


Dear Aunt Vriska

by WorstGirlEva



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adoption, F/F, Illustrated, Lyricstuck, Not Epilogue Compliant, Tabletop RPG, The Homestuck Epilogues, Trans Character, Trans Fem Vriska, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorstGirlEva/pseuds/WorstGirlEva
Summary: Thirty years after the return of the creators Vriska watches the sunset and thinks about the 'what ifs' of life if things had been different.Eight hours before the creation of Earth C Terezi makes a choice to stop Vriska from fighting Lord English.Thirty years later Terezi sends a message.Now, they make everything they can to meet again.
Relationships: Jade Harley/Vriska Serket, Rose Lalonde/Terezi Pyrope, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Comments: 50
Kudos: 70





	1. PRELUDE: Curtain Rise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“And Zarathustra  
>  Spoke ‘have no pity’  
>  Cause time will someday  
>  Obliterate me”_  
> 
> 
> —Troll Carly Rae Jepsen

The Lilypad - Eight Hours Before the Creation of Earth C

VRISKA: UGH!  
VRISKA: F8ck.  
VRISKA: Just-  
VRISKA: Ugh.  
TEREZI: VR1SK4! STOP TRY1NG TO W4LK!  
TEREZI: TH1S LOOKS R34LLY B4D.  
TEREZI: STOP TRY1NG TO W4LK YOUR3 JUST HURT1NG YOURS3LF 3V3N MOR3  
VRISKA: No shit!  
VRISKA: I- ugh  
VRISKA: *pant* *pant*  
VRISKA: I just need a moment.  
VRISKA: I will 8e in top shape for 8eating Lord English’s ass.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK YOU W1LL?  
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD R3ST  
TEREZI: TH1S-  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S NOT TH4T 1MPORT4NT  
VRISKA: Not that important?  
VRISKA: Pyrope, there literally is nothing more important than this!  
VRISKA: We’re going to 8eat Lord English!  
VRISKA: THE Lord English!  
VRISKA: The dude who pretty much controlled the alpha timeline entirely for forever.  
VRISKA: The man 8ehind the slaughter even!  
VRISKA: I literally.  
VRISKA: And I mean literally.  
VRISKA: Not metaphorically literally.  
VRISKA: And 8y that I mean metaphorically literally, just with a lot emphasis.  
VRISKA: That I can’t w8 to 8eat the dude’s ass!  
TEREZI: VR1SK4 SHUT UP!  
TEREZI: STOP B31NG S1LLY  
TEREZI: 4ND STOP MOV1NG SO MUCH, YOUR3 GO1NG TO OP3N YOUR WOUND  
VRISKA: Hahahaha I can’t stop 8eing excited!  
VRISKA: Like, ugh. Pyrope why are you acting so indifferent towards this?  
VRISKA: We’re literally going to save the...  
VRISKA: The everything that ever mattered!  
TEREZI: H4H4H4 Y34H  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: YOU JUST LOOK 1N 4 R34LLY B4D SH4P3  
TEREZI: 1-  
TEREZI: 1DK 1F TH1S 1S FOR YOU  
TEREZI: M4YB3 YOU C4N S1T TH1S ON3 OUT?  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT TH4T-  
VRISKA: C’mon Pyrope!  
VRISKA: It’s nothing.  
VRISKA: Stop saying this stuff it’s getting really weird.  
VRISKA: I suffered worse 8efore.  
VRISKA: Remem8er when you 8lew up half my 8ody?  
VRISKA: Good times.  
TEREZI: ...  
VRISKA: ........

VRISKA: Tough crowd.  
VRISKA: Sorry, that was awkward.  
VRISKA: Anyway .  
VRISKA: Pyrope can you fetch me the eg8ert, 8ut girl slash jade the prequel  
VRISKA: I can 8eat lord english like this, 8ut i’d rather 8e sure and not do it, like.  
VRISKA: With my leg 8usted.  
VRISKA: I think I heard she can heal people? she’s a life 8ound like feferi, 8ut we never actually saw what feferi could do so it sounds exciting to see her healing in action.  
TEREZI: HM SH3S 4W4Y  
TEREZI: 4ND 1M NOT SUR3 WH3R3 SH3 1S  
TEREZI: 1TS GONN4 B3 H4RD TO F1ND H3R 4ND 1T WOULD T4K3 4WH1L3  
TEREZI: W3 DON’T H4V3 MUCH T1M3, YOU SHOULD ST4Y S4F3 1TS F1N3  
TEREZI: 1 TOLD YOU 1T’S NOT TH4T 1MPORT4NT  
TEREZI: W3 DONT  
TEREZI: W3 DONT H4V3 T1M3  
TEREZI: L3TS JUST H4NG OUT 4ND-  
VRISKA: Dave is right there tho?  
VRISKA: Isn’t he the knight of time?  
VRISKA: Can’t he just go 8ack in time and.  
VRISKA: I don’t know.  
VRISKA: Help?  
TEREZI: TH1S 1SNT T1M3 FOR TH4T  
VRISKA: For what?  
TEREZI: FOR YOU 1LL T1M3D JOK3S  
TEREZI: W3R3 S3R1OUS H3R3  
VRISKA: 8ut, I’m not joking?  
VRISKA: I’m completely serious too?  
VRISKA: What are you talking about?  
TEREZI: STOP JOK1NG  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S S3R1OUS  
VRISKA: hm.  
VRISKA: What?  
VRISKA: Pyrope you’re scaring me.  
VRISKA: I’m not-  
TEREZI: YOUR3 NOT F1GHT1NG LORD 3NGL1SH VR1SK4  
TEREZI: YOUR3 W4Y TOO MUCH 1NJUR3D 4ND YOUR3 JUST GO1NG TO D13  
VRIKSA: Well, then just-  
TEREZI: NO “JUSTS”  
TEREZI: NOT “BUTS”  
TEREZI: YOUR3 1N NO COND1T1ON TO F1GHT  
VRISKA: W8-  
VRISKA: What are you even talking a8out.  
VRISKA: Please just-  
VRISKA: NO!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: PYROPE WHAT THE FUCK  
VRISKA: YOU CAN JUST-  
TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY S41D  
TEREZI: NO “JUST” TH4T  
VRISKA: 8ut.  
VRISKA: The life girl can heal me!  
VRISKA: Dave can literally time travel!  
VRISKA: You don’t have to do this.  
TEREZI: 1 DO  
TEREZI: 1 QU1T3 L1T3R4LLY  
TEREZI: QU1T3 L1T3R4LLY L1T3R4LLY  
TEREZI: NOT M3T4PHOR1C4LLY L1T3R4LLY  
TEREZI: H4V3  
TEREZI: TO DO TH1S  
VRISKA: You you-  
VRISKA: What?

TEREZI: 1M SORRY  
TEREZI: 1M R34LLY SORRY VR1SK4  
TEREZI: BUT 1 H4V3 TO DO TH1S  
TEREZI: 1TS WH4TS B3TT3R FOR 3V3RYON3 1N TH3 3ND  
TEREZI: 1T W1LL B3 B3ST FOR YOU 1N TH3 3ND  
VRISKA: W8 WH8T.  
VRISKA: WHAT THE FUCK PYROP8.  
VRISKA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING.  
VRISKA: I’M S8PPOSED TO DO THIS.  
VRISKA: I’M-I’M SUPP8SED TO KILL L8RD ENGLISH.  
VRISKA: IM SUPPOSED TO 8E THE HERO.  
VRISKA: YOU’RE-  
VRISKA: YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO.  
VRISKA: YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE M8.  
VRISKA: PLEASE PLEASE I.  
VRISKA: I DIDN’T EVEN S88D GOOD8YE 8R.  
VRISKA: HOW I FEEL.  
VRISKA: OR ANYTH8NG.  
VRISKA: UGH THIS FUCKING LEG.  
VRISKA: JUST W8 PL8ASE.  
VRISKA: DON’T LEAVE ME.  
VRISKA: COME 88CK.  
VRISKA: FUCK.  
VRISKA: STOP FLYING AWAY. COME 8ACK.  
VRISKA: AAAAAAAA.  
VRISKA: FUCK YOU PYROP8.  
VRISKA: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK.  
VRISKA: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK YOU FUCK Y8U FUCK  
VRISKA: AAAAAAAAAA8AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA8AAA8AAAAAAAAAA  
VRISKA: PYYYYYYYYROOOOOOOOP8EEEEEEE

VRISKA: Please.  
VRISKA: Please don’t leave.  
VRISKA: I don’t want to lose you again.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Tel Megiddo - Seven Hours Before the Creation of Earth C

MEENAH: ey pyrope  
MEENAH: good to see ya gurl  
MEENAH: eh?  
MEENAH: wheres fishka?  
TEREZI: SH3S NOT COM1NG  
TEREZI: 1M H3R3 1NST34D  
TEREZI: SH3 W4SNT DO1NG W3LL  
TEREZI: 1TS F1N3  
TEREZI: 4ND 1M 3NOUGH FOR TH1S  
MEENAH: le shrug  
MEENAH: seain we getting a change of plans here  
MEENAH: an additional marine to the squad  
MEENAH: and i didnt ask most of the questions for these responses, but thats fin  
MEENAH: thanks for all the info  
MEENAH: i dont think i relly care tbh  
KARKAT: TEREZI WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE.  
KARKAT: YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE-  
TEREZI: UGH 1T DO3ST M4TT3R  
TEREZI: 1 PROM1S3 YOU 3V3RYTH1NG 1S F1N3  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 1S GONN4 B3 F1N3  
TEREZI: STOP 4SK1NG  
TEREZI: BY TH3 W4Y YOUR3 4SL33P R1GHT?  
TEREZI: YOUR3 NOT 4CTU4LLY H3R3  
TEREZI: YOUR3 F1N3 TH3R3 R1GHT?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: I’M NOT SURE WHY I FELL ASLEEP.  
KARKAT: I WASN’T EVEN FEELING THAT TIRED.  
KARKAT: AND IT’S A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS HOW MANY THINGS YOU’RE JUST SAYING.  
KARKAT: BUT IT’S FINE.  
KARKAT: I’M JUST GONNA HANG OUT HERE AWHILE AND THEN WAKE UP.  
KARKAT: IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, MY ACTIONS HAVE NO CONSEQUENCES.  
KARKAT: I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT AND IF I GET HURT I WILL JUST WAKE UP BACK ON THE MEDIUM.  
KARKAT: I CAN’T BE HURT IN ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL WAY.  
KARKAT: ONLY EMOTIONAL ONES I GUESS.  
MEENAH: lol true  
MEENAH: wish that was me  
MEENAH: imagine being above consequences  
MEENAH: really wish i could just do whatever i want  
MEENAH: and then wake up on some arbitrary planet  
TEREZI: W3LL YOU C4N ST1LL HURT OTH3RS  
TEREZI: SO 1TS MOR3 L1K3 YOU’R3 TH3 ONLY ON3 OUTS1D3 OF CONS3QU3NC3S  
TEREZI: UNL3SS TH3 CONS3QU3NC3 1S GU1LT FROM HURT1NG SOM3ON3 3LS3  
TEREZI: WH1CH NOT 3V3N YOU 4R3 4BOV3  
TEREZI: SO YOUR POW3RS 4R3 NOT 3V3N TH4T STRONG  
TEREZI: TH3 POW3R OF B31NG 4SL33P  
KARKAT: HM...  
MEENAH: ...

ARADIA: hey guys! im back  
ARADIA: oh hey terezi!  
ARADIA: its good to see you  
TEREZI: Y34H H3Y 4R4D14  
TEREZI: 1TS B33N 4WH1L3  
TEREZI: HOW H4S TH3 GHOST-NOT-L1F3-BUT-H4NG1NG-OUT-W1TH-TH3M DO1NG TO YOU  
ARADIA: its been ok!  
ARADIA: not much to see honestly  
ARADIA: i guess eternal stagnation gets boring after awhile  
ARADIA: we should catch up someday  
ARADIA: weird we barely ever chat  
ARADIA: if we survive this, we should chat more  
TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU H3R3 TO H3LP OUT ON TH3 3NGL1SH F1GHT?  
ARADIA: yes!  
ARADIA: i dont generally care about any new universes or whatever the others are working on  
ARADIA: i enjoy watching, but i don’t think i want to involve myself with these matters tbh  
ARADIA: id rather just be here to see the end of this one  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N?  
ARADIA: and then?  
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG 4FT3R TH4T  
TEREZI: 4FT3R TH3 3ND OF 3V3RYTH1NG  
TEREZI: 4FT3R R34L1TY COM3S UNDON3 4ND R34SON COM3S TO 4N 3ND  
TEREZI: WH4T W1LL YOU DO  
ARADIA: hm...  
ARADIA: i dont think i ever expected to live past sgrub to be honest  
ARADIA: the idea of living past this is actually more terrifying than the comfort of oblivion  
ARADIA: ...  
TEREZI: W3LL TH3N ST4RT TH1NK1NG C4US3 NO ON3 H3R3 1S DY1NG 4S LONG 4S 1M 1N CH4RG3  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTHING 1 JUST H34RD 1S 4 L1TTL3 H34RTBR34K1NG BUT 1 DONT H4V3 T1M3 TO COMFORT YOU  
TEREZI: BUT YOU W1LL H4V3 TH3 R3ST OF YOUR L1F3 TO D34L W1TH 1T  
TEREZI: C4US3 L1K3 1 S41D  
TEREZI: W3R3 L1V1NG  
MEENAH: ...  
MEENAH: inspiring  
MEENAH: but how can you be so sure?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU SO CONFIDENT ON THAT.  
KARKAT: DID YOU GOT VISIONS?  
KARKAT: VISIONS AND FORESIGHTS?  
MEENAH: yeah like  
MEENAH: fishka had a plan *and* was a codtier  
MEENAH: what do you have...  
MEENAH: i will think of a fish pun for you later  
TEREZI: 1 JUST KNOW  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 S4W 4ND 1 KNOW HOW TH1NGS 4R3 GONN4 GO  
TEREZI: 1 PROM1S3 1TS F1N3 4ND TH1S 1S HOW TH1NGS SHOULD B3  
TEREZI: ULT1M4T3LY 1TS GONN4 B3 F1N3  
MEENAH: well i would be more confident if fishska was here!  
MEENAH: always had a way with the whole thing of doing things and getting shit done  
MEENAH: all the irons? the fire?  
MEENAH: that shit was iconic  
MEENAH: no shade  
TEREZI: NO SH4DOWS T4K3N  
TEREZI: SH3 JUST COULDNT COM3 SO 1M 1N H3R PL4C3  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 TH3 TR34SUR3 4ND 3V3N D4V3S HUM4N W3LSH SWORD  
TEREZI: 1 M1GHT NOT H4V3 1RONS OR F1R3.  
TEREZI: BUT 1 H4V3 4 PL4N TH4T 1S GOOD 3NOUGH  
KARKAT: HOW DID YOU GOT DAVE’S SWORD?  
TEREZI: H3 K1NDLY G4V3 TO M3 4FT3R 1 K1NDLY 4SK3D 1T  
TEREZI: TH1S P4RT 1SNT 4 L13 4CTU4LLY  
KARKAT: SOUNDS FAKE AND HUMAN HOMOSEXUAL.  
KARKAT: BUT I GUESS HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE SWORDS IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
KARKAT: LIKE HOW-  
MEENAH: cool, i don’t care  
MEENAH: anyway yeah i do that all time  
MEENAH: kindly asking for things from others and having them give it to me  
MEENAH: #justthiefthings  
MEENAH: also how did fishska even got injured in the first place  
TEREZI: SH3 F3LL TH3 ST41RS  
KARKAT: YEAH DAVE SAID THAT HAPPENS TO HIM ALL THE TIME  
TEREZI: SHUT UP 4BOUT D4V3  
TEREZI: SH3 F3LL DOWN TH3 ST41RS 4ND D1DNT W4NT3D TO COM3  
TEREZI: SH3 S41D 1 COULD DO TH1S 4ND 1T W4SNT 3V3N TH4T 1MPORT4NT 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3  
TEREZI: S41D SH3 W4NT3D TO S1T TH1S ON3 OUT  
TEREZI: SH3 S41D 1T W4S F1N3 4ND TH4T SH3 WOULD T4K3 C4R3 OF H3R FOR ONC3 1N H3R L1F3  
TEREZI: SH3 S41D SH3 LOV3D 4LL OF YOU 3V3N 1F SH3 N3V3R S4W YOU 4G41N  
TEREZI: WH1CH 1S 4BSURD OF COURS3  
TEREZI: OF COURS3 SH3 1S GONN4 S33 4LL OF US 4G41N  
TEREZI: SO TH4T 1S COMPL3T3LY 1RR3L3V4NT  
ARADIA: hm  
ARADIA: doesnt feel like something she would say at all actually!  
ARADIA: but what do i know. its been years since i had an actual talk with her  
ARADIA: gog i should really catch up with my friends  
ARADIA: but that really doesn’t sound like vriska!  
MEENAH: yeah  
MEENAH: and i have quite a few convos with her in the last few arbitrary measures of time  
MEENAH: really doesnt feel like something she would say  
TEREZI: W3LL  
TEREZI: M4YB3 YOU JUST DONT KNOW H3R L1K3 1 DO  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW WH4TS B3ST FOR H3R  
TEREZI: 4ND UNFORTUN4T3LY 1TS TH1S  
TEREZI: NOW 3NOUGH T4LK 1 H4V3 4N OR4NG3 DUD3 TO T4LK TO 4ND YOU H4V3 LORD 3NGL1SH ON YOUR B4CK  
MEENAH: hm no? we dont-

MEENAH: flipping fuck  
MEENAH: the bitch is here

  


  


  


  


  


  


Land of Tombs and Krypton - Eight Hours Before the Creation of Earth C

DIRK: Well, that happened.  
DAVE: it sure did  
DIRK: She’s your friend right? Shouldn’t you had said something?  
DAVE: is that some tricky question?  
DAVE: dont you see my shades?  
DAVE: my surname is strider?  
DAVE: do you think i can???  
DAVE: give others emotional support?????  
DIRK: Yeah, sorry.  
DIRK: Juvenile mistake.  
DIRK: I just think that if my friend Roxy was feeling like that I would really want to help her.  
DAVE: wanting and being able to do something are different things  
DAVE: would you be able to do it?  
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: I would sure try.  
DIRK: As long as I know that my participation won't make her feel worse and that-  
DIRK: You get it.  
DAVE: also  
DAVE: i dont think me and vriska are that close  
DAVE: besides that was her moirail that just flew away  
DAVE: like the person whos supposed to be doing the emotional support  
DIRK: And speaking of her moirail.  
DIRK: Wasn't she supposed to help us in the multi jack fight?  
DAVE: yeah she did  
DIRK: What?  
DAVE: thats future terezi i will bring back after we win the fight  
DAVE: spoilers sorry  
DAVE: our current terezi is waiting in the site of our strife  
DIRK: Dude.  
DIRK: You know that makes you an accomplice right?  
DIRK: You just directly helped her in the crime.  
DIRK: Whatever she is even trying to do.  
DIRK: When this Vriska girl finds out she is gonna be pissed.  
DIRK: I don’t know her, but I feel like she’s gonna kill you  
DAVE: she wont  
DAVE: but lets hope she never finds out  
DIRK: Yeah.  
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: Hey where's your sword?  
DAVE: hm here?  
DIRK: No.  
DIRK: Your white sword  
DIRK: The Welsh one.  
DAVE: oh its right...  
DAVE: its...  
DAVE: not here  
DIRK: I think your friend Terezi took it.  
DAVE: SHE DID WH  
DAVE: PYRO-  
DAVE: no wait its in my fetch modus  
DAVE: i think shes gonna ask it to me after the fight  
DIRK: Are you gonna give it to her?  
DAVE: possibly  
DAVE: i dont even feel so attached to these swords  
DAVE: i assume she will have a better use than me

DAVE: hey tz  
DAVE: hows it going  
DAVE: we just saw you  
DAVE: future you  
DAVE: do some stuff  
TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: D4V3 1DK WH4T YOU 4R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: 1M LY1NG  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW  
TEREZI: 1 C4N 3XPL41N WH4T 1 D1D 4ND W1LL DO  
TEREZI: 4LSO 1 W1LL GO STR41GHT TO TH3 PO1NT 4ND PR3 3MPT1V3LY 4SK FOR YOUR W3LSH SWORD  
DAVE: why!  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT L1K3 YOU’R3 GO1NG TO US3 1T 4FT3R TH1S  
TEREZI: YOU DONT 3V3N L1K3 SWORDS  
TEREZI: 1TS GONN4 B3 C0LL3CT1NG DUST 1N YOUR F3TCH MODUS  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW FOR 4 F4CT YOU’R3 NOT GO1NG TO H4NG 1T 1N YOUR HYPOTH3T1C4L FUTUR3 HOUS3 OR 4NYTH1NG  
TEREZI: 1 M34N  
TEREZI: 1TS L1T3R4LLY P4RT OF YOUR TR4UM4  
DAVE: i guess?  
DAVE: its not false you just said it in a really weird way  
DAVE: can you like  
DAVE: not talk about my trauma like that?  
TEREZI: SUR3  
TEREZI: 4LSO 1 N33D TO 4SK YOU TO G1V3 M3 4 R1D3 B4CK TO TH3 P4ST 4FT3R TH3 F1GHT  
TEREZI: 1 N33D TO H4V3 4 MOM3NT W1TH VR1SK4  
TEREZI: M4YB3 MY L4ST ON3...  
TEREZI: BUT 4SSUM3 YOU KNOW 4LL TH4T 4LR34DY  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: sure  
DAVE: hm  
DAVE: is everything ok?  
TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: 1T M1GHT B3  
TEREZI: L4T3R ON  
TEREZI: W3 M1GHT B3 OK L4T3R  
TEREZI: MUCH L4T3R  
TEREZI: FOR NOW 1  
TEREZI: 1 JUST N33D 4 MOM3NT TO T4LK TO H3R  
TEREZI: MY L4ST MOM3NT FOR 4WH1L3  
DAVE: dude  
DAVE: wtf  
DAVE: but ok  
DIRK: Hm.  
DIRK: I don’t mean to interrupt.  
DIRK: Nor do I know you...  
DIRK: Ma’am alien.  
TEREZI: 1TS B3TT3R TH4T YOU DONT  
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: Ok.  
DIRK: I just feel like you’re making a lot of very hard decisions so things will go your way.  
TEREZI: YOU SP34K L1K3 YOU H4V3 3XP3R13NC3 ON TH3 SUBJ3CT  
DIRK: Not much practical.  
DIRK: But theoretical? Yeah.  
DIRK: Do you ever just stand there and daydream how you could kill the dersitian royalty and finish the game already?  
DAVE: no  
TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S  
DIRK: Yeah.  
DIRK: I just had a lot of time to think in my void session.  
DIRK: About everything.  
DIRK: What I mean to say is.  
DIRK: I’m not gonna stop you alien lady that refuses to be acknowledged.  
DIRK: But remember this.  
DIRK: Don’t hold back.  
DIRK: Have no pity.  
DIRK: Thus spoke Zarathustra.  
TEREZI: 1 CH4NG3 MY M1ND  
TEREZI: YOU’R3 CRYPT1C, 1 L1K3 YOU  
TEREZI: 1 HOP3 YOU DON’T D13  
DIRK: Same here.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: dude  
DAVE: wtf

Land of Frost and Frogs - Seven Hours Before the Creation of Earth C

CALLIOPE: it’s an honor coUntess of pale plains and shining towers.  
CALLIOPE: yoUr veil is so charming and yoUr war tactics are so spicy!  
CALLIOPE: please tell me more of all yoUr strategies and methods for best overthrowing the brUtal oUtsiders that challenge yoUr abUndance.  
CALLIOPE: and finally opening the opportUnity for yoUr nation state to grow and have an golden age of prosperity and artistic development  
CALLIOPE: oh and please don’t spare a *single* detail.  
CALLIOPE: tell me all the political drama, intrigUe and romance.  
CALLIOPE: oh of coUrse! silly me.  
CALLIOPE: my character is the serpentine oracle of the mayhemfUll lands.  
CALLIOPE: her goals are to foresee and let it come to be the end of yoUr mesmerizing empire to ashes in the wind.  
CALLIOPE: i imagine she woUld die by the end of 3 of 5, bUt come back in a blaze of glory by the start of the final act  
CALLIOPE: so gorgeoUs and amazing and.  
CALLIOPE: *relevant*.  
CALLIOPE: if anything she is definitely relevant.  
CALLIOPE: everyone cares aboUt her and-  
VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm.

CALLIOPE: oh excUse me, i’m getting ahead of myself.  
VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm. >::::(  
CALLIOPE: no point in creating elaborate frontstory for my characters before the epic even begins right?  
VRISKA: Ughhhhhhhh.  
CALLIOPE: oh.  
CALLIOPE: hm, vriska? that is yoUr name right?  
CALLIOPE: woUld yoU like to play with Us?  
CALLIOPE: yoU soUnd restless.  
VRISKA: What?  
VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: Definitely not.  
VRISKA: I’m not a nerd.  
CALLIOPE: are yoU not now?  
CALLIOPE: i thoUght yoU were fond of roleplaying.  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: Cooler roleplaying though.  
VRISKA: Cooler roleplaying for cool and radical girls.  
VRISKA: And not roleplaying for 8a8ies.  
CALLIOPE: ...  
CALLIOPE: well and can yoU point oUt what do yoU dislike in oUr narrative?  
CALLIOPE: we coUld make it so it better fit yoUr needs and yoU coUld join Us!  
CALLIOPE: playing with foUr is mUch more fUn than with jUst three.  
CALLIOPE: specially when one is asleep and the other can’t actUally speak in the way we can.  
CALLIOPE: which end Up for me to do all the speaking. -U-  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: I heard your voice plenty already.  
VRISKA: You sure have a way in coming up with things alone don’t you?  
CALLIOPE: thank yoU for noticing! i really do.  
VRISKA: It wasn’t a compliment.  
VRISKA: Just means you’re used to 8eing a lonely..  
CALLIOPE: yoU’re really straight to the point aren’t yoU.  
CALLIOPE: bUt if yoU don’t want to join Us nor will yoU stop making all these noises, i can only invite you to exist in any of the other rooms in this lovely hoUse.  
CALLIOPE: ...

VRISKA: What?  
CALLIOPE: will yoU leave?  
VRISKA: Hm, what?  
CALLIOPE: either you play with Us, or jUst leave.  
CALLIOPE: we can give yoU a hand if yoUr leg is hUrting too mUch.

...

Your name is Vriska and you’re not sure how to respond.

You did a really good job up until now to hide your leg pain and act like it’s no big deal.

You also did a really good job at not showing how much you wanted to join the roleplaying, but felt insecure to do so.

But now Calliope is giving you the L. Or rather it’s like she’s offering you two different L’s and both are equally bad. Each in one of her little scaly hands like she is green Morpheus offering to take you out of the Matrix.

Isn’t Morpheus a deity of sleep? Wasn't Calliope just sleeping/being dead just now? Isn’t there something there? Like-

CALLIOPE: vriska?  
CALLIOPE: yoUr choice?

Ugh. Not time to think of that.

You take a deep breath and choose.

It’s not like you to overthink after all.

VRISKA: Fine.  
VRISKA: I’m Marqu-  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: Not playing as her.  
VRISKA: Let’s say Iiiiiiii’m...  
VRISKA: The queen.  
VRISKA: Is that fine?  
CALLIOPE: :u  
CALLIOPE: it is indeed fine!  
CALLIOPE: if yoU feel like yoU’re capable of taking the responsibility of coUrse!  
CALLIOPE: bUt yoU haven’t talked aboUt what yoU disliked in oUr scenario yet.  
VRISKA: I guess your scenario is fine.  
VRISKA: Now that I’m here that is, hahahahaha.  
VRISKA: You talked a8out relevance well.  
VRISKA: Try to keep up with Queen and Tyrant Regent of the hm-  
VRISKA: The thing you said 8efore.  
CALLIOPE: the pale plains and shining towers?  
VRISKA: Yeah!  
VRISKA: That’s of course a part of my kingdom.  
VRISKA: 8e careful countess if you don’t want me to culturally dominate your territory.  
VRISKA: The Queen is not merciful.  
CALLIOPE: oh that she isn’t.  
CALLIOPE: bUt does she have a name?  
VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm...  
CALLIOPE: it’s fine! yoU can think of one later.  
VRISKA: Oh thanks.  
VRISKA: Thinking of names is... Kinda rough.  
VRISKA: Not that it’s relevant in any way.  
CALLIOPE: i feel that!  
CALLIOPE: coming Up with a name for myself was not easy!  
VRISKA: Hm, so the clown didn’t give you one?  
CALLIOPE: oh, he did!  
CALLIOPE: it was jUst-  
CALLIOPE: not one that fit my gender yoU see.  
VRISKA: ...

Did she?

Just implied she is trans?

You must have heard wrong. Of course you did, it would be ridiculous to think she is like you.

VRISKA: Yeah, lol. Juvenile mistake of his part.  
CALLIOPE: well it wasn’t really a mistake per ce.  
CALLIOPE: he didn’t expect for me to be a trans girl.

You mentally bring your metaphorical palm to your imaginary face.

Maybe you can still save this and conveniently ignore all that.

VRISKA: Haha lol good for you.  
VRISKA: I’m l8ke.  
VRISKA: Totally cis lol.  
VRISKA: Haha I don’t properly understand all that lol.  
CALLIOPE: oh it’s fine, we can go back to roleplaying!  
VRISKA: Dope.

Nice.

Excellent work like always miss Serket.

You also smile even more because you just passed.

#Win.

JADE: oh hm.  
JADE: i woke up  
JADE: awhile ago.  
JADE: i heard what you were talking about haha.  
JADE: i’m too.  
VRISKA: Haha, wh8t? Cis? Lol.  
JADE: no silly!  
JADE: im trans too

That wasn't a good save and you do another mental facepalm.

Of course you know she isn’t cis. You had a vantage point of her whole life and transition and the moment you realized she was trans you couldn't stop looking at her timeline and you started feeling weird and you started wondering if you could mind control humans and you learned that you put them to sleep and so you started putting her to sleep every moment you saw her for-

Absolutely no reason.

And absolutely no act of retaliation at all.

Gog you’re glad she can’t hear your thoughts.

JADE: haha yeah! im glad to know about it callie  
JADE: its good to have others like you around  
CALLIOPE: likewise jade!  
CALLIOPE: it gets-  
CALLIOPE: lonely. to not have anyone like yoU aroUnd.  
CALLIOPE: i had roxy and watching her life and transition in my screen helped me figUre oUt a lot aboUt myself!  
JADE: ohhhhh  
JADE: roxy too?  
JADE: id love to talk more to her about it!  
JADE: gosh im so happy to finally meet everyone and be able to hang out  
JADE: i just have so much to tell everyone!!  
CALLIOPE: me too!!!!!  
JADE: aaaaaaa!!!  
CALLIOPE: aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!  
VRISKA: ........

You would walk away if your leg wasn’t hurting as badly as it is.

So you just look away. Happy to be so close to others like you, but...

No, you can’t tell them so are you. They will hate you and retaliate and reject you and... Kill you!

Yeah that’s reasonable. They. Will. Kill you.

You’re not like them, you’re not cute or wearing a long dress like Jade.

Well so isn’t Calliope, but she’s different. She is proper and polite and delicate and nice. You already regret being dismissive to her. You’re a monster, you already hurt them and you wish you could just walk away, but your DAMN leg won’t let you. Flying isn’t an option either and you definitely can’t ask for help for them to help you go. You’d rather just die here.

JADE: -aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh.  
JADE: you dont look well  
JADE: do you want to talk about it?  
VRISKA: What! Me?  
VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: 8nd I’m perfectly fine to8.  
VRISKA: If yo8 saw any t8ars it’s for grief over the fact that Pyr8pe stol8 my chance against Engl8sh.  
VRISKA: Not anything else at all.  
JADE: i didnt saw you cry at first you do are! gosh  
JADE: its always so weird how trolls cry their blood color  
JADE: but your soft blue one is almost a little cute?  
VRISKA: !!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: SHUT THE.  
VRISKA: Shut up Harley and stop saying weird things.  
VRISKA: That’s gross as f8ck.

You look away again, but Jade doesn’t let go.

JADE: whats up...  
JADE: hmm  
JADE: what was your name again?  
VRISKA: WHAT!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: It’s Vriska obviously.  
VRISKA: I thought you knew me?  
JADE: not really  
VRISKA: 8ut!  
VRISKA: I know everything a88ut you?  
VRISKA: Like.  
VRISKA: I manipul8 your s8ssion.  
VRISKA: I was 8ehind every part of th8 m8st important things that happened.  
VRISKA: 8ec Noir? That was me.  
JADE: ohhh yeah i do remember that  
JADE: hehe so i guess i have you to thank for helping me fuse with my dog and achieve gxd powers.  
JADE: thank you! vriska the girl i just met

Wow.

You thought she hated you.

You ruined her life pretty much.

This is not even like an Aradia situation where she doesn’t care. Jade just straight doesn’t know who you are.

You’re amazed.

All she knows about you is how you’re this girl with a hurt leg who is kinda dismissive.

Your mind wanders.

Neither of them really know who you even are, you can show them whoever you want to be.

They don’t have any pre existing expectations on you.

You can be anyone for them.

They don’t expect you to be a bad bitch, they really barely know you.

You can be anyone here, even yourself.

VRISKA: I’m-  
VRISKA: Vriska Serket and-  
VRISKA: *deep 8reath*  
VRISKA: And I’m a trans girl too.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Tel Megiddo - Six Hours Before the Creation of Earth C

Cracked space above, hollow ground below, hundreds of ghosts leave relevance by Lord English’s claws. Meenah and Aradia keep their fights against the beast in desperate pleas for victory waiting for Nike’s blessing.

Victory, of course, means you opening the chest in the right arbitrary time to unleash the four heroes of light to beat the true final boss in a show of lights. A moment decades awaited for, a moment that if the amount of build up to it could be measured it would be colossal.

You are Terezi Pyrore and you feel like the arbitrary time to do so has come.

TEREZI: TH4NKS DUD3  
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY N33D3D YOU N4RR4T1NG MY THOUGHTS  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT L1K3 TH3 G1FT OF THOUGHT W4SNT G1V3N TO TROLLK1ND SO YOU DONT H4V3 TO L3T 3V3RYON3 KNOW WH4T YOUR3 TH1NK1NG OF

Oh, hey.

TEREZI: H3Y OR4NG3 DUD3, 1 C4N S33 YOU TH3R3  
TEREZI: 1 M34NT TO S4Y YOU 4R3NT N3C3SS4RY H3R3 4NYMOR3  
TEREZI: YOU C4N GO DO SOM3TH1NG 3LS3  
TEREZI: YOUR M3T4PHOR1C4L SH1FT 1S OV3R 4ND YOU GO HOM3 TO YOUR M3T4PHOR1C4L W1F3 4ND W1F3 4ND W41T FOR YOUR UPCOM1NG M3T4PHOR1C4L M1N1MUM W4G3

Really?

Understandable.

But who’s picking up the work once I leave?

You?

TEREZI: YOU COULD S4Y SO  
TEREZI: BUT TH4TS 1RR3L3V4NT  
TEREZI: L1K3 4 LOT OF OTH3R 1RR3L3V4NT TH1NGS  
TEREZI: W1TH 4LL K1NDN3SS YOU 4R3 NO LONG3R N3C3SS4RY 1N TH1S M3D1UM  
TEREZI: TH3 S33R OF M1ND R3L34S3S YOU FROM YOUR POST  
TEREZI: GO CR34TUR3 OF 1NK 4ND WORD FOR THOU 4RF FR33 L1K3 4 R3F3R3NC3 TO 4 C3RT41N QU3ST1ON4BL3 BOOK 4BOUT W1Z4RDS

Hm.

Ok, I guess?

Leaving this one for you then, you act like you know what you’re doing.

Vote Bernie.

TEREZI: 1 SUR3 W1LL

You are Terezi Pyrope and you are tired of this silliness.

So you open the chest and run, for you know already what will happen and you don’t take your chances to see the show. It’s pretty and all, but you’ve seen better.

The beast and everyone else sit still and await the hero's triumphant arrival.

The sky cracks and the black hole signals for the universe’s requiem.

The whole universe is ending.

But you don’t care.

It’s almost a motif at this point, an act of recurrence to a certain prince that in a way is inside that beast. The swords connect to his neck while he is busy watching the hero’s arrival.

Dreadful etiquette to use this moment of respect for the medium and dismissiveness of realism to better appreciate the craft, but you are quite literally blind so as far as you know nothing is happening.

You almost manage to cut his head off in a single swipe.

But you failed so pure annihilation leaks from his neck hole and mouth and he screams. He screams unlike the terrifying monster you see in front of you, but more akin a child that craves motherly love.

But you don’t care.

It has to be done.

You kick him into a more advantageous position and don’t fail this time. His head flies towards the black before the larger body and as you finally breathe again your ears hear the damage you caused.

You were so busy you didn’t even realize all the oh so legendary heroes were killed in waves of arbitrary destructive power. They were not relevant after all, but is there even a difference between death and not being relevant?

Meenah and Aradia, who seem to be the only ones alive/relevant left look at you.

MEENAH: holy...  
ARADIA: wow  
MEENAH: FUCK Y-EA)( W-E WON  
MEENAH: )(-ELL Y-EA)(!  
ARADIA: gog i really didnt expect this  
MEENAH: did you expect we were going to what?  
MEENAH: die?  
ARADIA: yeah?  
ARADIA: i thought it would die and stop existing  
ARADIA: i really thought that was just what was going to happen  
MEENAH: wow  
MEENAH: are you ok?  
ARADIA: i guess?  
ARADIA: i mean i dont think so?  
ARADIA: i didnt have much time to think about my feelings  
ARADIA: i really just expected to die  
ARADIA: im other situations i would even make a pun and move my eyebrows a lot while saying the word “time” but i dont feel like doing so  
MEENAH: gee thats harsh  
MEENAH: do you wanna talk about it?  
ARADIA: maybe?

you look up and wait for the black hole to consume you.

but it refuses to.

hell refuses your entrance and instead tells you:

creature of wild desire, i deny you, i refuse you.

you have no place in the paradise of my creation.

TEREZI: FUCK OFF  
TEREZI: JUST VOR3 US 4LR34DY

no.

you play with the narrative like you know what’s better for everyone.

TEREZI: JUST L1K3 YOU DO

yes, but which one of us is a giant black hole dream bubble?

gxd rejects you and throws you into the trash can of reality and relevance.

your sins against the medium will not go unpunished.

to think you can simply decide the fate of the world i must commend your dedication.

for a creature so dedicated as you i assume that to crawl your way out of hell won’t be so challenging.

“and thus icarus who dared to fly too close to the sun with searing wax on his back could only beg for another change as the ocean grew ever so closer.”

-alecia beth moore hart, more known by her artistic name: p!nk.

  


  


  


  


  


  


THE LILYPAD - FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE CREATION OF EARTH C

VRISKA: We should w8 for Pyrope.

ROSE: Vriska we’ve been waiting for hours.  
VRISKA: Well we should wait a few more hours!  
VRISKA: We should wait more...  
VRISKA: Until she’s here!

...

KARKAT: VRISKA.  
VRISKA: She was there with you right Kar-  
VRISKA: Vantas.  
VRISKA: She was there?  
VRISKA: You saw her right? where is she?  
KARKAT: WELL YEAH, SHE LOOKED FINE.  
KARKAT: BUT I GOT K.O.ED SOON AND WOKE UP.  
KARKAT: I DIDN’T EVEN SAW HER UNLEASH HER SUPER SECRET WEAPON.  
KARKAT: I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE IT FOR SO LONG.  
KARKAT: WHAT EVEN WAS THAT ANYWAY.  
VRISKA: 8gh.  
VRISKA: It do8sn’t matter!  
VRISKA: YOU’RE USEL8SS.  
VRISKA: Y8U FUCKING  
VRISKA: YOU’R8 US8LESS YOU SHOULD HAD PUT M8R8 EFFORT AND KEPT HER SAFE.  
VRISKA: YOU SHOULD HAD 8ROUGHT HER 8ACK Y8U SHOULD-

KANAYA: Im Sorry Vriska  
KANAYA: But We Just Cant Wait Anymore  
KANAYA: Shes Not Coming  
KANAYA: You Have To Move On

EARTH C - 30 YEARS AFTER THE RETURN OF ITS CREATORS

But you didn’t.

VRISKA: Well, happy 8irthday kiddo.  
KID: hehe thanks auntie.  
VRISKA: Can I ask you a8out all the insane loot you got today?  
KID: eh not much  
KID: i didnt really want anything  
VRISKA: Wow.  
VRISKA: Seriously? I thought kids your age wanted everything.  
KID: maybe  
KID: but is there a difference between wanting everything and nothing?  
VRISKA: Ugh, don’t get philosophical on me!  
KID: autie pleeeeease  
KID: i was joking  
VRISKA: C’mon don’t wanna play games and watch stuff?  
VRISKA: All your older cousins are playing Minecraft 2 or something.  
VRISKA: Don’t you like that?  
KID: i do!  
KID: i’ve been just thinking  
VRISKA: Oh don’t do *that*.  
KID: please  
KID: i’ve just been thinking about me and stuff  
KID: i wanted to tell you cause  
KID: im 13 now.  
KID: but idk  
KID: idk if i have a name i want yet?  
KID: can i like? postpone the idea?  
KID: choose one later?  
KID: everyone gets their name at 13, but idk if i do  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: May8e?  
VRISKA: You shouldn’t 8e in such a hurry to choose your name.  
VRISKA: We would usually get ours assigned 8y us 8y the powers that 8e.  
VRISKA: 8ut we’re in peace here.  
VRISKA: We’re happy.  
VRISKA: You can take your time to decide who you want to 8e.  
KID: yeah!  
KID: just like you did.  
VRISKA: Yeah...  
KID: and i wanted to ask you  
KID: about your life and the circumstances that made you to choose to be the person you are today  
KID: spare no details!  
VRISKA: Gee.  
VRISKA: That's a lot.  
VRISKA: 8ut i guess i could talk a8out.  
VRISKA: Her.  
VRISKA: We were unstoppa8le together.  
VRISKA: We were gonna take over the world.  
VRISKA: I-  
VRISKA: I really miss her.

You look forward and long.

You think about the time you had together.

The time you didn’t

The fact that this doesn’t matter and you will move on and step into irrelevance just like the previous decades of your life.

VRISKA: Yeah now I will-  
VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: I don’t think i can forget.  
VRISKA: I never even knew what happened.

you will forget.

VRISKA: No.

you will move on.

VRISKA: I will not.

you will be forgotten. you aren’t relevant.

VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: What the heck, no.  
VRISKA: I will.  
VRISKA: I think I want to sing.

so be it.

may you enjoy the doomed fate you have thrown yourself into, dear aunt vriska .

[S] Vriska: Here we go Again.

SORRY 1T TOOK M3 SO LONG

TH3R3S 4 LOT 1 W4NT TO SH4R3 W1TH YOU, BUT TH1S 1S NOT TH3 T1M3

TH3 R1NG W1LL 4LW4YS PO1NTS TOW4RDS M3, 1TS 4LSO 4 K3Y TO WH3R3 1 4M

1N OTH3RS C1RCUMST4NC3S YOU WOULD F41L TO 3NT3R TH1S PL4C3, BUT W1TH TH4T YOU W1LL B3 4BL3 TO

DONT T4K3 LONG

1 W1LL B3 W41T1NG FOR YOU

-1C4RUS

[INTERMISSION I](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/57656263)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote at the begging refers to [this parody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zx7Y4o_lxY) of a Carly Rae Jepsen song.


	2. INTERMISSION I: What the Hell is an Aunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's see what Vriska is up to.

“Come now, my promised princess,” said the prince in shining horse, “Your wait is over, I’m finally here for you.”

Oh how long have you waited for your prince. How many nights have you wept and yearned for her promised majestic return. Now she is finally here, thy halt is over and you two can finally go, go and light this whole pathetic world on fire, i mean-

Now you two can finally leave this world of irrelevance and nonsense for the adventures and epics you were always meant to have, by her side, with her hand in your waist, holding you close, never letting you go.

“Y-yes, my prince,” your voice fails, but in the cute nice way, not in the ugly way when your voice cracks and everyone can hear how deep it is, “I am here for you! I am here for you to take me away from this nightmare, please. The only thing I have longed for is your return.”

“And the only thing I long for is returning to you.” the prince responds.

You reach out your hand to hers.

You can almost feel the tenderness of her touch and-

You’re awake.

EARTH C, VRISKA AND JADE’S SHARED RESIDENCE - 2 YEARS AFTER THE RETURN OF THE CREATORS 

Jade moans as she gets up. “Good morning sleepy head,” she wishes you. “did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.” You respond.

“That’s good to hear.” She leaves bed.

You stand there.

Jade runs her hands through all her different outfits, taking her time to appreciate the softness of the fabric and how nice they smell. You don’t feel like grabbing your phone, you’d rather stare at the ceiling.

“C’mon Vriska, you can’t spend the whole day in bed,” She’s already getting dressed. How does she have so much drive to do things? “Roxy and Callie have an announcement to make later and we _will_ be there on time.”

“Yeah yeah, just eight more minutes...” You embrace your pillow hopeful you can go back to your dreams.

“No eight more minutes nor more sixteen or eighty eight more minutes, young miss!” Jade throws her pants on top of you, “We are getting ready _now_ and we are going to enjoy breakfast like normal people and not waste our lives in bed!” You begrudgingly rise up, “Now go get dressed while I start breakfast!”

She leaves the room.

You are Vriska Serket and the last two years haven’t been much... good.

Or any other positive adjective for the matter.

Ever since... _she_ left and you’ve been doomed into this shallow world where nothing happens you’ve been bored.

Jade took a liking to you after your conversations in her land, and asked you out.

You said yes out of not having anything else to do.

So you’ve been living together since everything is trivial and you can just do that. You can just move in and live together and nothing matters. Events don’t matter, you’ve all ascended so being hurt and most other things turn downright meaningless.

You’ve had two very boring years.

You have been reading about some new Earth C tabletop games in your free time, which is always. It always puzzles you how none of these games include fatalities in the slightest and they even have a very dedicated community for caring about the emotional and mental safety of players.

Casuals.

Back in Alternia you _died_ playing FLARP and you said good game well played as your corpse hit the ground.

Ok, that was kinda fucked up.

What matters is that you kinda like these games you’ve been reading about lately. You always tell yourself to play them with the others, but just never actually feel like it.

It’s complicated.

All your other friends seen so much closer to each other than they are towards you.

They all have these intricate connections and friendships and dynamics and you feel like an alien towards these.

You feel like a metaphorical train left years ago where all your friends got together and you missed it and there are no other travels to bound land.

You just wish she was here.

You miss her.

“Vriska?” Jade calls from the other room.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” You respond. Dressing, brushing, taking hormones and shaving. It’s all second nature and you can just do it all on autopilot while you think of unrelated subjects.

Unrelated, irrelevant subjects that have nothing to do with the anything.

You walk into the kitchen.

Jade made eggs and bacon, she says that something about the all american breakfast makes her feel belonging in society or whatever. Something about connecting to the most mundane aspects of a civilization she never had access to makes her feel better. After all two different Earths were destroyed before she could be an actual part of them and this one is just not the same thing.

You don’t complain, these taste good.

JADE: and then she said “can i please talk to your manager?”  
VRISKA: Seriously?  
VRISKA: What the fuck, the audacity of her.  
JADE: YEAH  
JADE: like, not ma’am you can’t  
JADE: there is no manager  
JADE: or rather there is one, but i dont actually know who that is cause this job is meaningless, i just work as an barista for euphoria, not cause i want a living wage lol  
VRISKA: Lol.  
JADE: its like  
JADE: no no no, please understand we live in a stable leftist economy that allows for people to have jobs just because they want such, i could walk right out of here and no one would care and technically i don’t even work there!  
VRISKA: I always love this part.  
VRISKA: I love you Jade.  
JADE: i love you too babe  
JADE: i mean, if gxd herself walks in and says she wants to be a barista for a few hours what are you supposed to do? say no? are you dumb?  
JADE: and if she just wants to show up again and again, but don’t really wants a job again what will you do? will you tell gxd she cannot do so?  
VRISKA: Still fucks me up we're just G8ds here just walking around and trying to have normal lives.  
JADE: yeah!  
JADE: its kinda fucked up if you ask me  
JADE: ...  
JADE: like  
JADE: i dont know how im supposed to have a normal life when i could crush a regular person with my mind  
JADE: its  
JADE: just a little terrifying  
JADE: a lot actually  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
JADE: im not sure at all how im supposed to live a life when im a literal flesh, bone and divinity walking gxd  
JADE: maybe the horrorterrors had the right idea  
JADE: ...  
JADE: lol  
VRISKA: Lol.  
JADE: ...  
VRISKA: ........  
JADE: so what did you do last night?  
VRISKA: Well.  
VRISKA: Not much at all?  
VRISKA: I just vi8ed.  
VRISKA: Like i alway do.  
VRISKA: I found this cool ta8letop i could show to you later though.  
JADE: oh that would be lovely!  
VRISKA: Fuck yeah.  
JADE: i love just listening to you talk about your interests vriska  
VRISKA: >Implying you’re not gay.  
JADE: i am gay!  
JADE: for you!  
VRISKA: Dgdfsddfadasd.  
VRISKA: I love you too.  
JADE: hahaha-  
JADE: oh shoot! roxy and callie’s thing, c’mon  
VRISKA: After you!

Jade drives.

You don’t talk much.

You spend the whole drive looking outside and seeing the architecture, the trees, the people, the cracks on the sidewalk, the overgrown weeds.

The music feels like background noise and you often forget it’s even playing.

You get there.

CALLIOPE: we are so excited to show everyone.  
ROXY: everyone please listen up!

roxy might have talked aboUt this, bUt it has been a desire for a very long time for them to have children, we all know aboUt the circUmstances and how that is UnfortUnately impossible in any biological way.

ever since we got here one of the first things i wanted to do was adopting a kid and i need to promise you there were a lot of times i almost drove straight into the adoption shop for a fresh baby, thank you so much callie for stopping me and helping me thru all these times

always dear, so we wanted to wait Until at least the arbitrary hUman age of eighteen. they say that is the age of “being an adUlt” so dUring these two years we have spent a lot of time learning all the things one mUst do to be a parent.

and we did! we learned all the eleven forbidden arts of parenting and we even did a week experiment with dave and karkat were they were so kindly to be our kids, and by that i mean we spend a week on their guest room while they their normal unorganized lives and we did all the house chores for them

thank yoU so mUch davekat for being oUr experiments, which according to them was a soUnd sUccess and they long for oUr retUrn to their hoUsehold for they miss having moms doing everything for them, bUt alas it’s with great pleasUre that we want everyone to meet the newest member of oUr family: mine craft lalonde!

You hear cheers and awns all around you as most of your friends go closer to the happy new mothers and others stand back too embarrassed to move.

You just think this is all a little silly.

“Babies? That sounds stupid.” You say.

“They’re not stupid! They’re sweet, nice and soft," Jade hands you her jacket, "I'm gonna go meet Mine Craft.”.

“I must agree they are just a little stupid, but also adorable,” Kanaya moves in with you, “though I would prefer to not get too close. I’ve heard they are dreadfully fragile and I wouldn’t want to break little Mine Craft.”

“Yeah.” Dave agrees.

“Dave, you’re human. Why don’t you go coddle the baby?” You ask.

“Not a fan of them.”

“Fair, I guess.”

“But say, Vriska,” he starts, “I think we’re gonna have to start calling you auntie or something if we start adopting babies en masse." He stands there proudly of the words he came up with, "Aunt Vriska. It has a nice ring to it."

“What the hell is an aunt?”

[ACT I](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/58010998)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first art was a collab i did with my gf, [phoebegummy](https://twitter.com/phoebegummy).
> 
> Mine Craft Lalonde is part of Jadestuck² by [Vriska](https://twitter.com/vriskaZone)


	3. ACT I: Paracanon

  


  


  


[ACT I SCENE I](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/58340215)


	4. ACT I SCENE I: It's a Love Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"A metaphorical solace where all forgotten ideas rest. A safe haven for all the abandoned tales that will never be told. That is without a shadow of a doubt the most dreadful place to imagine, a purgatory to live knowing the universe forgot you._  
> 
> 
> —From the Archives of Compliance.

  


  


  


  


N-CHRT, THE NARRATIVE CORE OF PARACANON - A FEW HOURS AGO

The sound of your footsteps echoes across the great halls and corridors built on black marble of N-CHRT. An infinite reverberation of your own pace mocking you as you walk towards your second attempt for a major narrative shift.

It was not easy to get in here, and it will be even harder to defeat the physical rule guardians that protect the place. Quite literally and metaphorically breaking the rules, you’ll need to smash through the giant colossi whose purpose is to stop one from shattering canon like you plan to.

Years of planning, of learning the architecture of those hallowed halls, of learning the route towards The Beacon and how to activate it. All the weaknesses of the rules.

And you will do it.

You will send the message to her so you can finally go to the land you helped create, heaven to the purgatory you were banished to, a resting place unlike this land of chaos and futility.

Your forbidden love will finally come to be. Romeo and Juliet will live out of sheer power of will and stop their families’ feud with laser beams from their eyes as they fly towards sunset in a Harley Davidson motorcycle with flame decals on the sides.

Heaven will be achieved through Violence.

You can’t say you’re not anxious of course. _She_ will finally be here, your star crossed lover, your other half, your Totino’s two for one deal, the broken wing you could never mend and has been lacking ever since.

You tried.

You tried to move on and you failed and you tried again and you again failed.

My my, how could you have let her go.

It’s like a very devious demiurge overseers your life and pushes every aspect of it towards the most dramatic and exaggerated outcomes possible. Like your life is a play and you’re the main actor and the audience pleads for more.

If anything, you are a creature of wild desire and would never settle for anything less than perfection and a happily ever after with the love of your life in a restful house for the two of you, two kids and a woofbeast.

And you’re finally about to get it.

It’s so close you can almost feel it in your grasp, you can touch it, you can hold it and you can feel it’s skin and fat in your hands as you pirouette it around you like a happy couple.

A hypothetical viewer might not understand the fact of you spending three decades in your search for a means of reunion. They would never understand just how much you struggled from their privileged vantage point of observing your life like a tale told from the most alluring point of views in the most amusing moments.

You are almost upon the large door that leads to the beacon halls, just a bit more and-

“Icarus.” A voice rings from just by the door, blocking you from your objective.

You sigh. Of course.

“CL41R3.” You respond towards the one that makes herself visible.

ICARUS: 1 W1LL NOT PL4Y DUMB FOR MY H34RT 4CH3S FOR WH4T 1S B3H1ND TH3 DOOR TH4T YOU BLOCK 4ND 1 4LSO KNOW TH4T 1 C4NNOT FOOL YOU  
ICARUS: WH1CH 1S MY QUOT4 OF F4NCY WORDS FOR TH3 N1GHT  
ICARUS: H3LLO 4ND HOW D1D YOU GU3SS  
CLAIRVOYANT: A large number of reasons.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Should I tell you in an alphabetized list? Or a chronological one.  
ICARUS: WH4T3V3RS MOST CONV3N13NT  
CLAIRVOYANT: First: Ever since we parted ways I have been paying attention to your actions and the information you’ve been seeking  
CLAIRVOYANT: Second: You told me out loud you planned this time and time again before.  
ICARUS: YOU H4V3 B33N ST4LK1NG M3?  
ICARUS: 1 DONT TH1NK 1TS 4 STR3TCH TO C4LL YOU 4 CR4ZY 3X  
CLAIRVOYANT: Icarus...  
CLAIRVOYANT: You know the consequences that will come with this right?  
ICARUS: Y34H, 1M NOT DUMB, CL41R3  
ICARUS: 1 KNOW V3RY W3LL 4BOUT C4P1T4L S1NS 4ND PUN1SHM3NT FOR BR34K1NG 1NTO H3R3  
CLAIRVOYANT: So you know why I have to stop you right?  
CLAIRVOYANT: You know I will be tasked by both of our higher ups personally to hunt you like a wild animal and put you down.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Rites of execution will not only be permitted, but demanded from me.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Not only me, but also a series of other canon enforcement officials all across Paracanon.  
CLAIRVOYANT: So I must repeat myself.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Icarus. Do. You. Know. What. You’re. Doing.  
ICARUS: TH3 4NSW3R 1S ST1LL Y3S  
ICARUS: 1F YOUV3 B33N ST4LK1NG M3 L1K3 YOU JUST S41D YOU MUST KNOW 4LL TH3 1NFORM4T1ON 4ND PR3P4R4T1ONS 1 G4TH3R3D FOR TH1S 4CT  
ICARUS: YOU MUST KNOW TH4T 1 4LR34DY KNOW 4LL TH3 W34KN3SS3S 4ND FL4WS 1N TH3 RUL3S 4ND TH3 1D34L W4YS OF BR34K1NG TH3M  
ICARUS: 1 W1LL NOT 4SSUM3 YOUR3 DUMB, 1 KNOW YOU KNOW  
CLAIRVOYANT: Yes.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Icarus your capital sin will be in the ears of every citizen and official of paracanon in a few hypothetical measures of time.  
CLAIRVOYANT: But I’m not here for such sin.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Yet.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I’m here because I know what you are going to do and I wanted to see your visage one last time before your head bears the fattest price of all deviants of the state.  
ICARUS: 1 S33  
ICARUS: SO YOUR3 H3R3 FOR 4M1C4BL3 M4TT3RS  
ICARUS: 1 M1SS3D YOU TOO  
CLAIRVOYANT: Not untrue.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I am here to know if you understand the full consequences of your actions.  
CLAIRVOYANT: In danger of repeating myself:  
CLAIRVOYANTC: Do you. Understand. What you are about to do, Icarus?  
ICARUS: 1M NOT 4 CH1LD, CL41R3  
ICARUS: OF COURS3 1 UND3RST4ND FULLY W3LL WH4T 1M DO1NG 4ND W1LL DO FOR TH3 TH1RD BROK3N P1LL4RS S4K3  
ICARUS: 1 DONT N33D YOU T3LL1NG M3 4BOUT TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S OF MY 4CT1ONS Y3T 4G41N 4ND 4G41N  
ICARUS: FOR 4S FUN 4S OUR DYN4M1CS GO3S 1M NOT 1N TH3 MOOD FOR DO1NG TH4T R1GHT NOW  
ICARUS: Y3S 1 KNOW WH4T 1M DO1NG  
ICARUS: YOUR3 NOT MY LUSUS NOR H4V3 1 H4D ON3 FOR TH1RTY THR33 Y34RS  
CLAIRVOYANT: Good.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Icarus-  
CLAIRVOYANT: Terezi!  
CLAIRVOYANT: Please understand that my actions take place because your death would be a major inconvenience for me.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I know how important this is for you.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And I don’t want to be a wall in your path.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Although as soon as the news becomes public I will have no other options, but to obey canon law and hunt you down for capital crimes.  
ICARUS: 1 UND3RST4ND TH4T V3RY W3LL  
ICARUS: C4NON1C4L RUL3S FOR TH3 PR3S3RV4T1ON OF P4R4R34L1TY SO TH3 M34N1NGFULN3SS OF US 4LL C4N P3RS3V3R3  
CLAIRVOYANT: Yes.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It’s relieving to know you in fact understand.  
ICARUS: C4N 1 H4V3 MY SWORD 4T L34ST  
ICARUS: 1T _1S_ 4 W34PON OF L3G3ND 4ND T4L3 4ND 4LL TH4T  
ICARUS: 1 COULD DO 4 LOT W1TH 1T  
ICARUS: 4 LOT MOR3 TH4N W1TH TH3 S1NGL3 W1NG TH4T 1 H4V3 L3FT  
ICARUS: FOR OH, MY PUN1SHM3NT OF F4LL1NG DOWN FROM TH3 H34V3NS FOR FLY1NG TOO CLOS3 TO TH3 SUN OR WH4T3V3R  
CLAIRVOYANT: You know the answer for that.  
CLAIRVOYANT: You know I cannot give you back Caledfwlch for canonical law states that-  
ICARUS: UGH Y34H Y34H 1 G3T  
ICARUS: 1 KNOW 4LL 4BOUT TH3 C4NON1C4L L4W 4ND MY LOST PR1V1L3G3S OF C4RRY1NG L3G3ND4RY SWORDS OF L3G3ND  
ICARUS: 4ND 4LSO HOW YOUR3 ST1LL B1TT3R 4BOUT 1T  
ICARUS: WHY DO YOU BR1NG YOUR 3X G1RLFR13NDS SWORD TO 4 CONV3RS4T1ON 1F NOT TO RUB 1T 1N H3R F4C3 TH4T YOU NOW H4V3 C4NON1C4L R1GHTS TO C4RRY 1T 4ND NOT H3R  
ICARUS: 1 4LR34DY TOLD YOU 1M SORRY  
CLAIRVOYANT: For self defense in the case of struggle of course.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Don’t try to make this something it isn’t, Icarus.  
ICARUS: YOU H4V3 4LW4YS B33N 4 T3RR1BL3 L14R CL41R3  
ICARUS: 4ND 1T H4S 4LW4YS B33N SO CUT3 TO S33 YOU STRUGGL3 TO H1D3 YOUR 3MOT1ONS  
CLAIRVOYANT: I have no emotions.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I’m a holy angel from my home canon and an enforcer of canonical law to the unjust in here.

ICARUS: 1 DONT W4NT TO R3P34T MYS3LF  
ICARUS: BUT TH3 B1T 4BOUT YOU B31NG SO CUT3 WH1L3 TRY1NG TO L13  
CLAIRVOYANT: That was no lie.  
CLAIRVOYANT: That was a joke.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Haha.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Funny.  
ICARUS: YOUR3 JUST 4S FUNNY 4S YOU 4R3 4 GOOD L14R >:/  
ICARUS: BUT 1TS R3FR3SH1NG TO S33 YOUR S3NS3 OF HUMOR 1S ST1LL L4RG3R TH4N Z3RO  
CLAIRVOYANT: Anyway.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Icarus I-  
CLAIRVOYANT:...  
CLAIRVOYANT: Forget it.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Don’t die.  
ICARUS: TH4NK YOU  
ICARUS: 1 M1SS3D YOU TOO CL41R3  
ICARUS: 1 WOULD COMPL41N 4ND 4SK 1F 1T W4S SO H4RD TO JUST S4Y TH4T 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3  
ICARUS: BUT SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT 4LL TH1S R3M1NDS M3 4 LOST LOV3R TH4T W1LL B3 FOUND 4G41N  
ICARUS: SO 1 TH4NK YOU  
CLAIRVOYANT: ...  
CLAIRVOYANT: I’m glad that I could be of assistance of such matters to you.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Glad to know I could remind you of a lover you treasure more than the one that stands right in front of you  
ICARUS: YOUR3 TH3 ON3 WHO BROK3 UP W1TH M3 CL41R3  
ICARUS: YOU DONT G3T TO BR34KUP 4ND ST1LL B3 B1TT3R 4BOUT TH3 F4CT TH4T 1 D1DNT B3G FOR YOU TO T4K3 M3 B4CK  
ICARUS: YOU DONT G3T TO T4K3 TH3 HUM4N W3LSH SWORD 1N TH3 D1VORC3, US3 3V3RY OPPORTUN1TY POSS1BL3 TO SHOW M3 HOW YOU ST1LL H4V3 1T 1N YOUR H4NDS 4ND P4T13NTLY W41T FOR M3 TO PL34D YOU TO G1V3 1T B4CK TO M3  
ICARUS: TH4T 1S WH4T W3 C4LL  
ICARUS: 4 J3RK MOV3  
CLAIRVOYANT: That is not the case.  
CLAIRVOYANT: You know those in my position of power cannot be distracted by trivial concepts such as romance and the pleasures of flesh.  
CLAIRVOYANT: You know how much I strived for this position and how much dedicated to the enforcement of canonical law I am.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Do not try to make this personal Icarus.  
ICARUS: ...  
ICARUS: YOU 4LW4YS C4LL M3 BY MY ROL3 WH3N YOUR3 T3NS3  
ICARUS: 4S 1N 4 M3THOD OF D1ST4NC1NG YOURS3LF FROM M3 4ND M4K1NG TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON QUOT3 STR1CTLY PROF3SS1ON4L UNQUOT3  
ICARUS: CL41R3 YOU’R3 NOT H4RD TO R34D  
ICARUS: YOU SHOULD UND3RST4ND 4FT3R D4T1NG SOM3ON3 FOR SO LONG TH3Y WOULD 4CTU4LLY KNOW YOU  
ICARUS: 1 KNOW FOR 4 F4CT YOUR3 NOT DUMB  
CLAIRVOYANT: And you keep calling me by that nickname like you’re trying to dismiss me. My role is 21 Clairvoyant Star Dwells in Penumbra. No one is expected to say it in its entirety for reasons of common sense, but you know everyone addresses me as Clairvoyant, but you address me in the most dismissive and trivializing ways possible to take away all the relevance and respect I worked so hard to acquire!  
CLAIRVOYANT: *huff* *huff* *huff*  
ICARUS: ...  
CLAIRVOYANT: What do you say in your defense Icarus  
CLAIRVOYANT: You take away my composure and just watch my pathetic sight?  
ICARUS: S1GH  
ICARUS: 1TS 4 P3T N4M3 YOU 1D1OT  
ICARUS: 1 C4LL YOU CL41R3 B3C4US3 1 C4R3 4BOUT YOU  
CLAIRVOYANT: ...  
CLAIRVOYANT: So be it.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I will let you proceed now.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I delayed your affairs for enough already.  
CLAIRVOYANT: May the demiurge bless your impossible quest.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Although I know chances are not in your side I still pray that the highly improbable can happen and that you can have a happy ending.  
ICARUS: M4Y TH3 D3M1URG3 BL3SS YOUR F41LUR3  
ICARUS: 3V3N 1F 1 KNOW HOW GOOD 4T HUNT1NG DOWN CR1M1N4LS YOU 4R3 1 ST1LL HOP3 TH3 POW3RS TH4T B3 W1LL OV3RLOOK YOUR SLOPPY L4CK OF SUCC3SS 1N 3ND1NG M3  
CLAIRVOYANT: Amen.  
CLAIRVOYANT: ...  
CLAIRVOYANT: Farewell Icarus.  
ICARUS: S33 YOU CL41R3

The angel gives you a salutation and you return it. She moves away from the door and you are free to continue.

You-

Her-

It’s complicated.

Godspeed, you have a lover to meet.

Thirty years.

Thirty years have you waited to see her again.

Thirty years of struggle and conflict.

Of messy relations and trying to find a way to move on.

But you can’t move on.

The demiurge simply won’t let you do it

And you thank it for such.

How boring life would be if you simply moved on.

How- Who are you trying to trick.

You try to use formal prose as a means to divorce you from the fact.

From the fact...

That you’re so fucking stoked to meet Vriska again!!

Holy fuck how you miss her.

Holy hell how you fear she moved on herself and will never come.

How scary and anxious you are.

You are breaking capital canon law and if this fails...

You might as well just let the canon enforcers take you anyway.

You don’t care.

You run.

Your heart runs.

You are so nervous it almost hurts.

You are so in love it almost hurts

You are so scared it definitely hurts.

You waited for this for so long and you’re not waiting a single second more

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you’re going to be whole again.

“Vriska please wait for me.”

You open the door.

  


  


  


  


PARACANON - NOW

  


  


  


  


TEREZI: VR1SK4...  
VRISKA: Terezi........

Now we are presented with an interesting question dear readers.

What do two star crossed lovers separated for three whole decades say to each on the moment of their eventful rendezvous?

I believe there is no way a conversation like that is possible to not be awkward, so let’s double down on the awkwardness.

Well certainly there is a quasi infinite series of things one could say and an even larger amount of responses and so on, but Terezi Pyrope, also known as Icarus said this when meeting Vriska Serket, also known as Aunt:

ICARUS: YOU LOOK OLD3R  
AUNT: ........  
AUNT: Yeah?  
AUNT: It was, you know?  
AUNT: The age????????  
ICARUS: 1TS NOT JUST TH3 4G3  
ICARUS: YOU JUST LOOK OLD3R 1N 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y  
AUNT: May8e it’s the acquired maturity???  
AUNT: I mean-  
AUNT: I don’t think it's possi8le for someone my age to still act like an 8 sweeps old teen.  
ICARUS: >:/  
ICARUS: 1 GU3SS  
ICARUS: 1 DONT KNOW  
ICARUS: 1 JUST 3XP3CT3D YOU TO LOOK 4 B1T MOR3?  
ICARUS: B4D4SS?  
ICARUS: COOL3R?  
AUNT: You expected me to 8e cooler?  
AUNT: Honestly I also often expected myself to 8e cooler.  
AUNT: Like lately the most I do is 8a8ysit others’ kids and play role playing games with them.  
AUNT: This is really not making my game 8etter is it?  
AUNT: 8ut I don’t know what I expected from you.  
AUNT: I have to say you do look amazing on the cool aspects.  
AUNT: 8ut I expected you to 8e a 8it more?  
AUNT: I don’t know?  
AUNT: Eh.  
ICARUS: MOR3 WH4T  
AUNT: You know just a 8it more this and that.  
AUNT: 8ut you do look amazing Terezi!  
ICARUS: 1 TH1NK 1 LOOK F1N3 FOR SOM3ON3 WHO US3D TO HUNT D3V14NTS FOR 4 L1V1NG  
ICARUS: 4LSO SOM3ON3 WHO JUST BROK3 TH3 H1GH3ST L4WS POSS1BL3 TO M33T YOU?  
ICARUS: DO 1 4T L34ST G3T 4 TH4NK YOU?  
AUNT: Oh a8solutely thank you.  
AUNT: 8ut also, are you a cop now?  
AUNT: Why?  
ICARUS: 1M NOT 4 COP, 1M 4N 3NFORC3R OF P4R4C4NON1C4L L4W  
AUNT: I’m not sure what paracanonical means, 8ut that does sound like a cop.  
ICARUS: 1TS NOT 4 COP!  
ICARUS: 1 DO 4 V3RY 1MPORT4NT JOB  
ICARUS: W1THOUT US P4R4C4NON WOULD B3 DOOM3D TO M34N1NGL3SSN3SS  
ICARUS: W3 K33P 4 HOLD OF WH4T M34N1NG 1S 4ND 3NFORC3 3X1ST3NC3 1N 4 W4Y TH4T 1T C4N ST1LL M4TT3R TO 3V3RYON3  
AUNT: Sorry, you really sound like a cop.  
AUNT: Haha cop wife moments.  
ICARUS: SHUT UP  
ICARUS: WH4T 4BOUT YOU?  
ICARUS: YOUR3 SOM3 K1ND OF 4 LUSUS F1GUR3?  
AUNT: Yeah! All the kids call me Aunt Vriska.  
AUNT: You know, all the other losers started adopting kids and I think I realized their kids are actually 8etter than them so I took the role of raising and 8a8ysitting most of them.  
AUNT: Turns out I’m really good with gru8s.  
ICARUS: 1 TH1NK TH4TS BULLSH1T  
ICARUS: 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD H4T3 GRUBS 1NST34D  
AUNT: Noooooooo.  
AUNT: They’re so adora8le?  
AUNT: I love spoiling these little marshmellows they’re the 8est.  
AUNT: And when you raise them well they even say funny things and return your love!  
AUNT: From a meta standpoint it’s a win win game.  
ICARUS: YOU JUST LOOK  
ICARUS: W4Y TOO SOFT  
ICARUS: YOUR3 NOT TH3 VR1SK4 1 R3M3MB3R  
AUNT: Too 8ad cause you’re exactly the Terezi I remem8er!  
AUNT: Annoying as always! ::::p  
ICARUS: 44444444  
ICARUS: YOUR3 TH3 4NNOY1NG ON3  
ICARUS: FOR TH3 P1LL4R OF R3L3V4NC3S S4K3 WH4T 4R3 W3 3V3N DO1NG H3R3  
ICARUS: W3 H4V3 TO G3T OUT OF H3R3  
ICARUS: YOUR3 SO 4NNOY1NG 1 FORGOT W3 4R3 B31NG HUNT3D FOR C4P1T4L C4NON1C4L CR1M3S  
ICARUS: HOW  
ICARUS: HOW D1D YOU 3V3N GOT H3R3?  
AUNT: Spaceship?  
ICARUS: 4 SP4C3SH1P?  
AUNT: Yeah?  
AUNT: You know uncle Dirk likes 8uilding stuff and a lot of years ago I had a small request if he could 8uild one for me.  
AUNT: Cause I kinda wanted to look for you!  
AUNT: Thanks 8y the way.  
AUNT: And I tried, 8ut it just never worked.  
AUNT: Somehow this ring allowed me to enter this place, although I could swear I had looked everywhere for you!  
ICARUS: UNCL3 D1RK????????  
ICARUS: D1D YOU JUST US3D 4 T3RM OF 3ND34RM3NT TO TH4T GUY?  
AUNT: Yeah, yeah. You know that’s how we call him in front of the kids. Old ha8its die hard.  
ICARUS: 4NYW4Y YOU H4V3 4 FR34K1NG SP4C3SH1P L3TS G3T OUT OF H3R3 4LR34DY  
AUNT: Honestly that is a marvelous idea!  
AUNT: This place looks so weird and feels so weird.  
AUNT: I don’t care, I don't wanna know what is even up with this.  
AUNT: I just want to leave already and and enjoy time with you.  
AUNT: You know everyone misses you a lot actually?  
AUNT: They’re not gonna 8elieve I found you!  
AUNT: This is so exciting, things are amazing actually.  
AUNT: I should watch the sunset with kids more, who knows what meteors will fall and what treasures they will carry  
ICARUS: YOU 4LW4YS T4LK3D 4 LOT BUT YOUR3 SP3C14LLY TOO T4LK4T1V3  
ICARUS: H4V3 YOU B33N H4NG1NG OUT W1TH TH3 STR1D3RS TOO MUCH  
ICARUS: D1D TH3Y CORRUPT3D YOU?  
ICARUS: C4US3 1F TH3Y D1D 1M NOT H4V1NG M3RCY 4ND 1M PUTT1NG YOU DOWN  
AUNT: Lol your humor is on point!  
AUNT: Good to know that gear is well oiled.  
ICARUS: TH4T W4SNT 4 JOK3  
AUNT: You know if you repeat that one one more time it won’t 8e as funny so you should lay this joke down already  
ICARUS: 1 SW34R 1T W4SNT- Y34H 1T W4S 4 JOK3  
ICARUS: L3TS G3T 1NS1D3 TH1S TH1NG 4LR34DY  
ICARUS: 4LSO TH3Y DONT T34CH HOW TO P1LOT SP4C3SH1PS ON H3R3 SO 1 HOP3 YOU KNOW TH3 CONTROLS W3LL  
AUNT: Yeah yeah I do.  
AUNT: Click click plop plop ploop.  
AUNT: See everything works fine!  
ICARUS: 1 DONT TH1NK H34R1NG YOU M4K3 TH3S3 NO1S3S W1TH YOUR MOUTH M4K3S M3 F33L CONF1D3NT 1N TH1S  
AUNT: It’s fiiiiiiiine.  
AUNT: C’mon you’re copilot.

AUNT: Hm am I the only one hearing something?  
ICARUS: NO  
ICARUS: 1 D3F1N1T3LY H34R 1T TOO  
ICARUS: YOU KNOW W1TH 4LL TH3 B31NG BL1ND 4ND 4D4PT1NG OTH3R S3NS3S TH1NG  
AUNT: Yeah I love you 8a8e, c’mon let’s go towards the 8ack.

KID: hm hey auntie!  
KID: and stranger?  
KID: so i got a bit nervous when all that went down  
KID: and i kinda followed you?  
KID: and when i saw you entering the ship i thought of telling the others, but i was just so nervous i didnt knew what was going on  
KID: so i guess i’m here now?  
KID: im sorry i didnt meant to make you upset  
KID: can we go home now?

[ACT 1 SCENE 2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/60725776)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feature guest art by [Vriska](https://twitter.com/vriskaZone), [Phoebe ](https://twitter.com/phoebegummy)and [Beatrice](https://twitter.com/patchwyrkk).


	5. ACT I SCENE II:Run Away With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Hammura8i's finest creation is the Neglectful Space, a series of small autonomous ships called “Denials” that carry out her will in Paracanon. No Denial is like another, and nothing else in Paracanon is like them. Consisting of heaps of sterile crimson-stained white metal, they don’t resemble a ship, but more like pieces of static flame that seek their targets and explode in suicidal rushes. Completely unarmed, they are made for ramming a target and detonating, spreading shrapnel in a radius of ten meters for the largest amount of suffering.”_  
> 
> 
> —From the Archives of Compliance.

  


  


  


  


AUNT: ... and don’t even make me 8EGIN explaining how much trou8le you are in little kid!  
AUNT: Following me inside the spaceship??  
AUNT: Towards who even knows where???  
AUNT: I can’t 8elieve you did that!  
AUNT: Pyrope I can’t 8elieve they did that.  
ICARUS: 1 DONT KNOW WHO TH1S GRUB 1S WHY 4R3 TH3Y 1MPORT4NT  
AUNT: Why are they important?  
AUNT: Why are they important she asks!  
AUNT: They are important 8ecause I promised my fucking ex wife I would keep them safe!  
AUNT: I told Jade I would hang out with them for one evening and now they’re out here in a completely different!!!!  
AUNT: Whatever this place is!!!!!  
AUNT: _That’s_ why this is important!!!!!!  
KID: i’m really sorry auntie!  
KID: i was worried about you!  
KID: I know about your-  
KID: episodes...  
KID: and when i saw you running towards the spaceship i thought you were feeling unwell!  
KID: i-  
KID: i wanted to help you!  
ICARUS: ...  
ICARUS: YOU H4V3 4N 3X W1F3  
ICARUS: WH4T 1N TH3 FUCK  
AUNT: AAAAA8A8AAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AUNT: YES 8 DO  
AUNT: ME AND JADE WERE MARRIED FOR AWHILE 8UT NOW THEN WE WERE NOT CAUSE WE WEREN’T GOOD TOG8THER AND SHE WANTED TO ADOPT A KID AND I PROMISED TO 8A8YSIT THEM AAAAAAAAAAA  
ICARUS: ...  
ICARUS: YOU M4RR13D J4D3?  
ICARUS: S3R1OUSLY? J4D3?  
ICARUS: L1K3  
ICARUS: J4D3?  
AUNT: IT’S JUST.  
AUNT: *DEEP 8REATH*  
AUNT: I never thought I would see you again.  
AUNT: I was so lonely.  
AUNT: And she liked me and that was nice.  
AUNT: 8ut I think I never liked her as much as she did.  
AUNT: I wanted to make her happy, 8ut I couldn’t.  
AUNT: I was happy, 8ut she deserved to 8e.  
AUNT: Happier.  
AUNT: We’re fine now.  
AUNT: We-  
AUNT: Were fine.  
AUNT: Now I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with her kid.  
AUNT: I just-  
AUNT: I wanted to make things right.  
KID: it’s ok auntie!  
KID: you’ve been thru much harder stuff before!  
KID: does this place even stand a chance against you?  
KID: i’m positive we can leave asap and mom is gonna be so happy to see us again!  
AUNT: Yeah.  
ICARUS: TH4TS ROUGH  
ICARUS: COULD N3V3R B3 M3 THOUGH  
AUNT: Aw c’mon don’t tell me you didn’t had a single messy ex in the entirety of thirty years.  
ICARUS: NOP3  
ICARUS: 1 D1D NOT  
ICARUS: 4BSOLUT3LY D1DNT  
AUNT: 8y the way did time pass the same for us?  
ICARUS: Y34H 1 TH1NK SO  
ICARUS: P4R4C4NON 1S 4 M3SS, BUT 4T L34ST 1TS CONS1ST4NT W1TH TH3 P4SS1NG OF 1TS T1M3  
AUNT: Swag.  
KID: whats a paracanon.  
ICARUS: NOTH1NG 1MPORT4NT  
AUNT: ........  
ICARUS: ...  
AUNT: Oh right!  
AUNT: We have to get out of here right?  
AUNT: I almost completely forgot!  
AUNT: Anyway seat8elts everyone, we’re leaving.

ICARUS: 4LSO WH4TS YOUR N4M3 K1D  
ICARUS: WHY 4R3 YOU JUST 4 CH1LD  
KID: im not 13 yet  
KID: or rather i became 13 today  
KID: i was gonna be named once i got home and we would have a party  
KID: but  
KID: ugh  
KID: idk  
KID: a whole name?  
KID: an identity?  
KID: it makes me nervous to think about this stuff  
KID: idk who i am yet  
KID: im just  
KID: kid  
ICARUS: UND3RST4ND4BL3  
ICARUS: 1 N3V3R G4V3 4S MUCH THOUGHT TO TH4T  
ICARUS: 1 W4S N4M3D 4T TH1RT33N 4ND S41D  
ICARUS: OK  
ICARUS: 4ND MOV3D ON  
ICARUS: 4ND WH3N 1 GOT H3R3 1 GOT MY ROL3 4ND S41D  
ICARUS: OK  
ICARUS: 4ND MOV3D ON  
ICARUS: YOU DONT H4V3 TO WORRY 4BOUT TH3S3 TH1NGS TOO MUCH

You grip the control sticks.

You are Vriska Serket, or Aunt Vriska to all the kids you babysit, and you are leaving this weird place.

You are currently inside the spaceship of Dirk Strider, uncle Dirk for the close ones.

The ship is made of smooth plates of metal bent in circular shapes all around. The logo that he proudly puts on his creations is emblazoned on the walls and doors. The guy _really_ enjoys satisfying his own ego.

The control board is covered in buttons, and you know only about what half of them do, just the important bits so you can actually control this thing, even if it isn't pretty.

He would often scold you on your “sick flips and tricks” that were “downright fucking suicidal” and that you “should not fucking do that you fucking idiot”.

Too bad! Right now he’s not around to stop you.

Paracanon? Well this place is not exactly strange per ce. It’s a city like all others with buildings and parks (where you landed your ship) and the architecture is not even that bizarre.

But everything is just slightly off in a way that is very disorienting.

You’re not staying here to get to the bottom of this. You are leaving.

You have a decent amount of experience piloting this ship, enough that you can pilot it alone while Kid nervously prays for safety and terezi doodles dragons on the window.

Sigh.

You will have to apologize to Kid later, you were way too harsh, though you really wish they had just stayed back and not followed you.

But for now you have to pilot this ship away from this awful canon.

The engine signals that it’s warm enough to go and you don’t linger. You start flying upwards back to reason.

Up you go, away from this asinine place, back to reason and familiar places, back to your family and all the kids that you babysit that dearly call you their aunt vriska, back to-

And you’re hit by an enemy ship.

It didn’t hit your ship directly, it simply glanced off and crashed into the ground next to you. A warning shot.

You look upwards and there’s many more flying towards you.

Fuck you spend way too long wasting time and now they’re on your tail.

You take a look at the ships attacking you and they look... off.

They look more like very abstract birds than ships. They’re made of white marble with red highlights and fly with awkward curves making eerie high pitched noises.

They’re bent in all the wrong directions and look so fragile they could break at any moment. They look like they would break if you looked at them the wrong way.

But they won’t.

And they’re trying to kill you.

How you hate this place.

Time for evasive maneuvers!

AUNT: 8oth of you 8race, we’re a8out to have a little 8it of a rough ride!  
ICARUS: WH4T? 1 C4NT FUCK1NG S33  
ICARUS: WH4TS GO1NG ON  
KID: aaaaaaaa  
AUNT: It’s ok your auntie is trying her 8est to 8ring you home safe and sound! Just 8race and don’t get your ham8urgers heated!  
ICARUS: WH4T DOES TH4T M34N???

You hurtle towards the densest part of the city.

This city is a work of art, you admit.

Massive skyscrapers raise towards the sky. You notice two towering pillars of white marble rising from the center of a park, no wait three, but the third one is only a fraction of the size of the others.

You keep flying towards the most populated part of the metropolis, serpentining around the buildings.

The enemy ships are paragons of aerodynamics and speed. No matter how hard you try to lose them, they stay hot on your tail.

The ships shift around awkwardly drifting and rotating in the air. You can’t even tell what half is the front and which is the back.

Slashing the wind with their asymmetric wings they replicate the sharp turns you make perfectly.

AUNT: Are these piloted?  
ICARUS: NO  
ICARUS: TH3S3 4R3 JUST H4MUR481S F4NCY WH1T3 DRON3S  
ICARUS: YOU C4N SHOOT 3M DOWN, NO ON3 C4R3S  
AUNT: Hamura8i?

A ship hits you.

AUNT: 8luh!  
AUNT: Hold on, I’m gonna try to lose them!

You have already reached the most crowded part of the city. A jungle of buildings swarm with intricate bridges between each other.

You dive into the chaotic architecture.

Left, right, left, left, up, right, down.

You turn sideways, counterways and countersideways over and over as one by one the ships crash against the countless skyscrapers

Eventually the drones lose you.

You take a relieved sigh.

AUNT: I think we’re safe.  
KID: oh thank gog  
ICARUS: 1 ST1LL C4NT S33, BUT 1M TRUST1NG YOU  
AUNT: I see a clearing, I can fly up and out of the city from there.  
AUNT: Can’t see shit in this chaos.  
ICARUS: 4 CL34R1NG?  
ICARUS: YOU DONT M34N  
AUNT: It’s fine! Trust me.  
ICARUS: HMMM

You find a massive tower built out of layers and layers of marble in the center of clearing.

Easily the highest building in this entire place

AUNT: That looks important.  
AUNT: Sorry, I forgot you can’t see.  
AUNT: It’s gorgeous.  
AUNT: Whoever 8uild this surely has good taste.  
ICARUS: 1 TH1NK 1M NOT GO1NG TO C4R3 4BOUT TH3 4RCH1T3CTUR3  
ICARUS: JUST US3 TH1S TO L34V3 4LR34DY  
AUNT: W8 a second I’m just-  
AUNT: Mesmerized.  
AUNT: 8y this  
AUNT: I wish you could see it.  
ICARUS: HMM  
ICARUS: S4Y HOW B1G 1S 1T  
ICARUS: WOULD YOU S4Y 1TS 34S1LY TH3 L4RG3ST BU1LD1NG 1N TH1S WHOL3 C1TY  
AUNT: Yeah?  
AUNT: Why?  
ICARUS: TH1S 1S NOT GOOD  
ICARUS: YOU SHOULD R34LLY L34V3 4LR34DY  
AUNT: Ok, ok.  
AUNT: You can stop worrying now kid, we’re outta here.  
KID: oh thats good to hear i was  
KID: so nervous  
AUNT: Yeah let me just-

You hear a loud bang above your ship.

AUNT: WHAT.  
AUNT: Was that.  
ICARUS: UGHHH  
ICARUS: 1 TOLD YOU W3 SHOULD NOT ST4Y H3R3

Terezi stands up and her single wing extends sideways.

It’s same one from back when you were eight sweeps, but you don’t think this one can fly. Instead it looks exceptionally sharp, repurposed for combat.

AUNT: W8 what!  
AUNT: Sit down there you’re going to fall!  
ICARUS: TH3R3S NO 4VO1D1NG TH1S 4NYMOR3  
AUNT: What are you talking a8out!  
AUNT: Just stop and explain and-

Knock knock knock.

Did...

Someone outside just knock on the ship door?

While you’re fifty feet in air?

AUNT: ........  
AUNT: Pyrope?  
ICARUS: 1 TOLD YOU  
ICARUS: 1T W4S 1N3V1T4BL3  
AUNT: I’m-  
AUNT: Not even going to joke a8out this  
AUNT: Ah!

Another bang against the ship.

Knock knock.

And another knock.

Terezi unsheathes her sword.

AUNT: What the fuck are you going to do with that sword!  
ICARUS: 1 TOLD YOU 4LR34DY TH3R3S NO W4Y 4VO1D1NG TH1S  
ICARUS: W3 H4V3 TO F1GHT  
AUNT: FIGHT WHO!  
AUNT: AVOIDING WHAT!  
AUNT: PLEASE J8ST STOP TO EXPLAIN AND-  
ICARUS: TH3R3 1S NOT T1M3 TO 3XPL41N  
ICARUS: JUST L34V3 TH3 SH1P ON ST4NDBY OR WH4T3V3R 4ND G3T YOUR 4SS R34DY  
AUNT: FUCK OFF!  
AUNT: WHY DON’T YOU JUST EXPLAIN IT TO M8!!  
AUNT: WHY DON’T YOU JUST STOP AND EXPLAIN!!!  
AUNT: YOU NEVER EXPLAIN SHIT TO ME AND YOU JUST LEAVE 8LONE FOR TH8RTY YEARS!!!!  
AUNT: I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!  
AUNT: I- I-

The head of an axe dents the metal door.

Knock knock knock BLAM the axe hits again.

ICARUS: UGH DONT T3LL M3 1TS H3R  
AUNT: *deep 8reath*  
AUNT: Ok.  
AUNT: Let’s let our guest inside.  
AUNT: Let’s 8e courteous now at least.  
AUNT: Hide your weapons for human Christ’s sake we’re not savages.  
ICARUS: UGH H3R3 YOU GO 4G41N

You take a deep breath.

You lost your composure really good there.

Hashtag cringe alert.

But you’re better than that and you take another deep breath and adjust your hair.

Whoever it is, whichever their intentions may be...

You’re dealing with this like an adult.

You move towards the door and carefully open it.

Behind it stands...

You.

The most twisted mirror to ever dare to reflect your sight.

CISKA: Heeeeeeeere’s Ciska!

[END OF ACT 1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/61315525)

  


  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again Phoebe for helping me with the editing and for making the image of Ciska for me.
> 
> On other news I'm sorry it took so long to update this chapter. I run out of pen nibs and couldn't do the art.
> 
> The next chapter is almost all written and it will feature a lyricstuck so you can be excited! I will try to update it in the next few weeks, it will be the end of act 1 and will end the "introduction" of Dear Aunt Vriska
> 
> I am also working on an original novel i hope to publish somewhen late this year early next year


	6. END OF ACT I: Vriska x Vriska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Spiro and Lactone is a pair of six sided polyhedron, that is to say: a pair of dice. It’s something I worked on my years of 8oredom on Earth C as I took interest on ta8letop again. Their effect is that the further the total result is from seven, the larger the explosion it will create. I know, a juvenile creation. In contrast I made the Seventeen 8eta: a twelve sided die made to cre8 a different type of shield depending on the result rolled. They’re all effective, just in different flavors of effective (8ut shield num8er eight is my favorite of course).”_  
> 
> 
> —Aunt Vriska

  


  


  


  


AUNT: Are you........  
AUNT: Me?

AUNT: Who in the diddly diggly dang dong ping pong 8oo 8oo are you?  
CISKA:  
CISKA: What the fuck did you just say?  
ICARUS: Y34H 4CTU4LLY WH4T TH3 FUCK D1D YOU JUST S4Y  
AUNT: Don’t swear in front of the kid!  
AUNT: You’re gonna heck up their growth!  
KID: auntie its ok honestly im used to swears  
KID: truth be told you and all the other adults are extremely foul mouthed  
AUNT: Wait.  
AUNT: 8ut you don’t say swears?  
KID: im not a fan of them  
KID: but im very familiar with all of them  
AUNT: So it’s ok if I swear?  
KID: yeah whatever  
AUNT: Thanks keeping this up has been so hard.  
CISKA: Ahem.  
AUNT: Who the F8CK are you?  
AUNT: Why are you me?  
AUNT: Why are you cis?  
AUNT: Why are you white?  
AUNT: Are you my evil twin?  
CISKA: Not even close 8a8e.  
CISKA: Seriously Icarus I h8 giving this talk. Did you not de8rief the noo8?  
AUNT: I’m not a noo8.  
ICARUS: D1DNT H4D T1M3 TO  
ICARUS: W4S 4 B1T BUSY TRY1NG MY B3ST TO NOT D13 4FT3R COMM1T1NG C4NON S1N 4ND H4V1NG H4MMUR481 4ND 4LL H3R L4CK3YS (YOU) ON MY T41L  
CISKA: Ok so.  
CISKA: I am Vriska the same way you are Vriska.  
CISKA: You could say we are different interpretations of the same self.  
CISKA: Paracanon is, well,  
CISKA: You could say it’s the trash can of reality.  
CISKA: All the rejects of paradox space are tossed here to rot away.  
CISKA: We all have roles else it would 8e too confusing to live in a world made out of different interpretations of the same forty people.  
CISKA: My role is Ciska, yours is Aunt.  
CISKA: If that wasn’t the case we would 8oth just 8e called Vriska and it would 8e way too confusing.  
CISKA: For the sake of clarity we take roles.  
KID: so theres more versions of my auntie around this world?  
CISKA: Yeah.  
CISKA: I assume you’re an epilogue kid, so here’s something:  
CISKA: This whole place is made up of different interpretations of your parents, uncles and aunties.  
KID: wow...  
AUNT:  
AUNT: This makes no goddamn sense.  
AUNT: This is stupid.  
AUNT: Roles?  
AUNT: Weird interpretations of me running around?  
AUNT: This place is incredibly stupid.  
ICARUS: F1N4LLY SOM3ON3 WHO G3TS 1T  
ICARUS: BUT NO M4TT3R HOW MUCH YOU TH1NK TH1S 1S STUP1D TH1S 1S R34L1TY W3R3 L1V1NG 1N  
AUNT: This is-  
AUNT: Ugh.  
AUNT: Who made this place.  
CISKA: The demiurge of course.  
AUNT:  
AUNT: Sorry my paracanonical Gnosticism is a 8it rusty can you upd8 me on that a 8it?  
AUNT: Can you please ela8or8 to me who the fuck is the demiurge.  
CISKA: No.  
ICARUS: NO  
AUNT: Amazing.  
ICARUS: 1TS NOT L1K3 W3 KNOW 31TH3R  
ICARUS: NO ON3 KNOWS WHO TH3 D3M1URG3 4CTU4LLY 1S  
ICARUS: W3 JUST KNOW 1T W4S H3R WORK  
CISKA: Yeah it’s not really something that can 8e understood.  
CISKA: None of us understand it any well at all.  
CISKA: It’s not personal 8a8e.  
AUNT: Well if I lived here I would definitely try to understand it 8etter.  
AUNT: You know. Go metaphorically digging some literal 8ooks and find all the sexy, sexy info.  
AUNT: May the memory of you losers 8e a 8lessing, 8ut I’m different.  
CISKA: Ugh.  
CISKA: Listen.  
CISKA: There isn’t anything to understand.  
CISKA: We’re simply here.  
CISKA: And that’s it.  
CISKA: 8esides.  
CISKA: If any info of this exists Hammura8i would never let us see it at all.  
AUNT: Who the fuck is that I keep hearing that name.  
ICARUS: YOU DONT W4NT TO KNOW  
ICARUS: 4UNT PL34S3 DONT PUT YOUR NOS3 1N TH1S  
ICARUS: TH1S 1S SO MUCH NOT YOUR BUS1N3SS YOUR WORKPL4C3 1S NOT 3V3N 1N TH3 S4M3 D1STR1CT 4S TH1S BUS1N3SS  
AUNT: Ugh I despite this.  
AUNT: I don’t care a8out this 8ullshit.  
AUNT: I’m living and I’m finding all out a8out this.  
CISKA: So a8out that.  
CISKA: Your girlfriend kinda 8roke canon law there 8y 8ringing you here.  
CISKA: And you’re trying to 8reak yet another one 8y leaving.  
CISKA: Me and 8lack Widow here?  
CISKA: We kinda can’t let that happen you know.  
ICARUS: OH PL34S3 DONT ST4RT W1TH BL4CK W1DOW 4G41N  
KID: oh i know about black widows  
KID: they’re a spider and the girl spider eat the boy spider after they kiss  
CISKA: Sure.  
AUNT: I don’t think I like what you’re implying here.  
AUNT: Specially if that includes cutting us to pieces with that axe.  
AUNT: That is apparently called 8lack Widow.  
ICARUS: Y3S  
AUNT: Thanks.  
AUNT: Not the most creative of name if I say so.  
CISKA: I’m not much of a talker honestly.  
CISKA: Most of my victims will 8e dead 8efore they even know what 8lack Widow is called.  
CISKA: You should consider yourself privileged actually.  
CISKA: I’m giving you so much 8enefit to actually talking 8efore killing you  
AUNT: G8d I’m so lucky.  
CISKA: You are.  
CISKA: 8ut not for long.

Ciska takes a step forward.

AUNT: W8 w8 w8.  
AUNT: What if, what if-  
AUNT: What if we workshopped some names.  
AUNT: If you’re killing me with that thing I will at very least hope it has a 8etter name.  
AUNT: You know a honora8le death.  
AUNT: 8y a 8adass non lame weapon.  
ICARUS: 1 TH1NK TH3 N4M3 1S P3RF3CTLY B4D4SS 4S 1T 1S  
AUNT: It isn’t.  
AUNT: It’s lame and it sucks.  
ICARUS: 1 WOULD B3 H4PPY TO D13 BY BL4CK W1DOW  
AUNT: It’s cause you’re lame.  
ICARUS: 1M NOT L4M3!  
CISKA: I can hear you you know.  
CISKA: Anyway.  
CISKA: I didn’t expect to see a Vriska being such a coward.  
CISKA: You’ve really gone soft old lady.  
AUNT: Pretty please?

“Nah.” Ciska says as she takes yet another stop forward with a mischievous smile as Black Widow rests on her shoulder.

You’re Vriska Serket as Aunt.

And you’re about to be killed by a cis white version of yourself.

You tried your best to talk your way out of this, but it seems to no avail.

Ciska is not interested in talking and you really can’t bullshit your way of it.

So many years of tabletop with your dear nephews and nieces got you somewhat good at interpretation and coming up with things on the spot.

Maybe the bar was a bit low as you would often be doing that with literal children.

But now is not the time as Ciska takes another step forward. Her eyes staring you with desire as she can’t wait to put all your adorable blood out of your body.

Icarus takes a step forward with their wing ready to strike.

Kid tries to find a place to hide, something to fight, anything they can do.

You sigh.

There really is no other way around this isn’t it?

A quickly raising crescendo, a continuous upbeat melody, call that battle theme #1 cause you’re in combat now.

Terezi is defensive of you, she quickly jumps forward and clashes her wing against Ciska’s axe. You stand between the two and Kid.

You don’t have a weapon- Well you do, but that’s a last resort. You need to do something, you need to fight you need to defend Kid.

You can’t lose Terezi again.

The thing about this ship is that it also had a kitchen installed in it. It’s logical after all that in long trips you would need to cook something, right? Right?

Ciska and Terezi are still occupied, you can make a run for something there.

“Stay here.” You tell Kid.

You move with the dexterity left in your MILF body as you hear Ciska say something about how big of a coward you are.

You give her some points.

Maybe you’ve gone a bit too soft.

But maybe hitting her in the back with a frying pan will make her see how much of a 8adass you still are!

She stands there.

Ok maybe not that effective.

She laughs

CISKA: Holy shit.  
CISKA: You think a frying pan will hurt me?  
CISKA: What are you?  
CISKA: Rapunzel?

Terezi tries to use this as an opening, but somehow Ciska manages to perfectly stop her strikes and talk to you.

CISKA: Oh I’m gonna have so much fun killing you.  
CISKA: Uprooting you from life like some weed that is too 8ad at 8eing Vriska.

Ciska strikes Icarus and pushes them away.

You sigh.

You guess it’s time for your last resort.

You reach your pocket for the usual polyhedrons.

“Say Ciska, one last thing.” You start.

AUNT: You said that you’re a different interpretation of me right.  
AUNT: So you must 8e familiar with ta8letop and dice right.  
AUNT: I mean any good Vriska would know about tabletop.  
AUNT: Can I inquiry on your knowledges for just one thing.  
ICARUS: UGHHH  
ICARUS: JUST K1LL M3 4LR34DY

Ciska stops and looks towards you with a confused look.

CISKA: I was more of a highschool 8ully than a loser nerd that played games for girls when I was a teen actually.  
CISKA: 8ut I interacted with enough other Vriskas to learn a thing or two.  
AUNT: Well.  
AUNT: You said you know some things.  
AUNT: So let me make you a single, simple question 8efore you slaughter us.  
AUNT: Dear Ciska:  
AUNT: Do you know the difference 8etween the roll of two six sided dice (2d6) and a single twelve sided dice (1d12)?  
ICARUS: NOT TH1S BULLSH1T 4G41N  
KID: oh i know!  
CISKA: Haha.  
CISKA: Hahahahahahahaha.  
CISKA: Holy fuck.  
CISKA: You can’t 8e serious this is what you’re asking me 8efore I kill you?  
CISKA: Oh I’m gonna regret killing you, you’re funny.  
CISKA: 8ut sure.  
CISKA: The difference 8etween the roll of 2d6 and 1d12 is that the d12 has equal chances on all twelve result while the 2d6 has a larger 8ias towards middle values like 6, 7 and 8  
CISKA: It’s much harder to roll lower or higher values so it’s used for more predicta8le rolls.  
CISKA: It’s very popular on the P8TA engine that features a series of games that only uses the roll of 2d6 with popular titles like Monsterhearts and Monster of the Week.  
CISKA: Was that explanation good enough for you or should I ela8or8 more?  
CISKA: You know I might have not 8een a nerd in high school, 8ut I’m still an overachiever;  
AUNT: Huh.  
AUNT: Well you’re wrong.  
KID: but she’s right!  
CISKA: Excuse me?  
CISKA: What part of what i just said was wrong?  
AUNT: I mean your explanation was right.  
AUNT: 8ut it wasn’t the one that I wanted.  
CISKA: That makes no sense.  
AUNT: No it doesn’t.  
AUNT: 8ut does it matter?  
AUNT: Aren’t you going to kill us anyway?  
AUNT: What sense can you find in our slaughter.  
CISKA: Fair.  
AUNT: Now let’s make this a 8it more interesting, why not?  
CISKA: What do you have in mind?  
AUNT: Just some music.  
AUNT: I wanna go with style, ok.

You move towards the radio of the ship and take you time as you choose the perfect song.

AUNT: No.  
AUNT: No.  
AUNT: May8e.  
AUNT: No.  
AUNT: Oh.  
AUNT: Oh this one is a classic.  
AUNT: You know it’s kind of a meme song.  
AUNT: 8ut I genuinely enjoy this.  
AUNT: Like the kids say: It’s a 8anger.  
AUNT: Let’s dance.

You hit the play button.

[S] ONE WEEK

28 YEARS AGO

NOW

AUNT: You know Ciska.  
AUNT: What I meant when I said you were wrong is simple.  
AUNT: There is no difference 8etween the roll of 1d12 and 2d6.  
AUNT: 8ecause 8oth will kill you.

[INTERMISSION II](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/61716637)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this is the end of Act I! thank you all so much for reading, there will be a bit more of intermission before the start of the next act and i wanna keep a certain level of quality in future updates, also a schedule, but working on Dear Aunt Vriska has been very good and I can't wait to keep publishing this.
> 
> Again thank you so much for my girlfriend for the help making all the Ciska sprites and for proof reading.


	7. INTERMISSION II: I Need You

28 Years Ago

Your apartment seems uncharacteristic for its owner. While your public persona is pristine, within your own home, you are far more lax with keeping everything in place.

You are 21 Clairvoyant Star Dwells in Penumbra and you’re an angel, recently enlisted as a novice paladin of the Sect of the Sacrosanct, the perpetuators of canon. It’s not a very honorable job, but well paying, and similar enough to what you already dealt with in your own canon.

Back then you didn’t respond to the same pronouns you do now. But you wouldn’t figure that out for quite some time.

CLAIRVOYANT: Sometimes it’s just too much.  
ICARUS: Y34H  
ICARUS: 1 M1SS MY C4NON TOO

You were laying your head on Terezi’s lap, not a position you would ever allow others to see you in, but right now you needed it.

CLAIRVOYANT: It feels like I’m a newborn.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It feels like I was just repelled from the womb with no mother to teach me about the world.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It feels like I fell from grace.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Which is rather a big deal for someone who is literally an angel.  
ICARUS: HM  
ICARUS: SO DO3S TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 D3MON NOW?  
CLAIRVOYANT: No, it’s-  
CLAIRVOYANT: Oh you’re doing a joke to help me feel better.  
ICARUS: Y34H S1LLY  
CLAIRVOYANT: Thank you.

ICARUS: C4N YOU PUT SOM3 MUS1C PL34S3?  
1C4RUS: 1TS SO QU13T 1N H3R3 1TS M4K1NG M3 CR4ZY  
CLAIRVOYANT: Absolutely.

You stand up.

Being up helps you behold just what a shameful situation your apartment is in.

Living here feels like a multiplier to your depression, it feels like it only makes things worse.

You were never really a child. Angels don’t have childhoods, so you never indulged in hobbies like a kid would.

Your joke about not having a mother is true! You never had one.

It’s depressing to think about it.

Why do you joke about this?

Your life is a mess, admit it.

The only good thing you have left is Icarus.

You move towards the music player, and choose a song.

ICARUS: COM3 H3R3  
CLAIRVOYANT: Of course.

You two cuddle.

CLAIRVOYANT: Can you tell me about your canon a bit?  
CLAIRVOYANT: About all the things you miss.  
ICARUS: W3LL 1 F33L L1K3 1M 4LMOST LUCKY TH4T 1 H4V3 TWO FR13NDS FROM 1T H3R3 W1TH M3  
ICARUS: THOUGH W3 H4D OUR D1S4GR33M3NTS  
ICARUS: MY C4NON W4S…  
ICARUS: COMPL1C4T3D  
ICARUS: 1T W4SNT 4S N34T 4S YOURS  
ICARUS: 1T W4S M3SSY 4ND 4MB1GUOUS 4ND 4 LOT OF TH1NGS W3R3 N3V3R M4D3 CL34R 4T 4LL  
CLAIRVOYANT: You said you miss someone from there don’t you?  
CLAIRVOYANT: Care to tell me about her?  
CLAIRVOYANT: You said she’s a Vriska.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And I know how Terezis and Vriskas are together.  
ICARUS: Y34H Y34H  
ICARUS: YOU KNOW 1 H4T3 HOW TH1S PL4C3 TR1V14L1Z3S R3L4T1ONSH1PS WH3N TH3R3S T3N OTH3R V3RS1ONS OF YOU D4T1NG T3N OTH3R V3RS1ONS OF YOUR GF  
ICARUS: BUT  
ICARUS: 1N 4 W4Y SH3 R3M1NDS M3 OF YOU  
ICARUS: BUT ONLY 1N 4 F3W TH1NGS  
ICARUS: 1N OTH3RS YOU 4R3 BOTH V3RY D1FF3R3NT  
CLAIRVOYANT: Isn’t that just how everything is with everyone though?  
CLAIRVOYANT: Similar in some ways and different in others.  
ICARUS: Y34H BUT YOUR3 MOR3  
ICARUS: YOU 4R3 BOTH V3RY STUBBORN  
ICARUS: BUT 1N D1FF3R3NT W4YS  
ICARUS: L1K3 1F TH3R3 W4S 4N 4X1S OF B31NG STUBBORN  
ICARUS: YOU 4R3 BOTH STUBBORN BUT ON OPPOS1T3 3NDS OF TH1S 4X1S  
CLAIRVOYANT: You talk about me with so much care.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It even makes me flattered.  
ICARUS: SHUT UP  
ICARUS: YOU 4R3 STUBBORN  
ICARUS: YOUR3 SO FULL OF RUL3S 4ND R1TU4LS 4ND 4LL ON 4BOUT P3RP3TU4T1NG C4NON  
ICARUS: YOUR3 DUMB  
ICARUS: BUT 4LMOST 1N 4 GOOD W4Y  
CLAIRVOYANT: Well aren’t you a perpetuator of Canon in your own way too?  
ICARUS: LOOK  
ICARUS: 1 H4V3 MY R34SONS  
ICARUS: 1 DONT C4R3 4BOUT H4MMUR481S WHOL3 D34L 4BOUT HOW 1MPORT4NT 1T 1S TO K33P TH1NGS 4S C4NON 4S TH3Y C4N B3  
ICARUS: SH3 SOUNDS L1K3 4 W31RDO TO M3  
ICARUS: BUT 1 H4V3 4 PL4N 4ND 1 N33D TH1S POS1T1ON FOR 1T  
ICARUS:

ICARUS: WH4T 4BOUT YOU  
ICARUS: 1 4LR34DY KNOW WHY YOU JO1N3D TH3 S3CT  
ICARUS: BUT C4N YOU 3L4BOR4T3 4 B1T MOR3  
CLAIRVOYANT: It reminds me of my old role in my own canon.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Though you already know that.  
CLAIRVOYANT: As an angel my job was to keep the law.  
CLAIRVOYANT: So being here gives me comfort that I’m still doing the job I was always meant to.  
ICARUS: 4NYON3 YOU M1SS?  
CLAIRVOYANT: Yes.  
CLAIRVOYANT: But I’m not supposed to miss them.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It’s sinful thought and I should repress it.  
ICARUS: G33Z  
CLAIRVOYANT: How did you ever come to this place anyway.  
ICARUS: 1 S4W TH1NGS W3R3 GO1NG B4DLY  
ICARUS: 1 TR13D TO M4K3 TH3M B3TT3R  
ICARUS: 4ND 1 F33L L1K3 1 SOM3WH4T D1D  
ICARUS: BUT TH3 H1GH3R UPS D1DNT L1K3 TH4T  
ICARUS: WH4T 4BOUT YOU?  
CLAIRVOYANT: Similar.  
CLAIRVOYANT: My old canon was so utterly corrupt.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I wanted to fix things.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I had so many plans for doing so.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I had allies, I had resources.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Things were going to work out.  
CLAIRVOYANT: But it wasn’t meant to be.  
CLAIRVOYANT: In the end it just didn’t work.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And this was my punishment.  
ICARUS: SO W3 H4V3 S1M1L4R STOR13S  
ICARUS: 1S TH4T 4 COMMON R34SON TO B3 THROWN H3R3?  
ICARUS: FOR W4NT1NG TO M4K3 TH1NGS B3TT3R 4ND B31NG PUN1SH3D FOR 1T?  
CLAIRVOYANT: Not necessarily.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Most just got caught for doing things one is not supposed to in general.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Some wanted to make things better for themselves in selfish ways.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Some didn’t even realize they were violating anything.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Some might be here for absolutely no reason.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It’s a painful and arbitrary place.  
ICARUS: TH4TS WHY 1-  
ICARUS: 4NYW4Y

ICARUS: WH4T 4BOUT W1Z4RDS  
ICARUS: YOU L1K3 TH3M R1GHT  
ICARUS: YOUR3 4 ROS3 4FT3R 4LL  
CLAIRVOYANT: See this is what fills me with ire.  
CLAIRVOYANT: This place is maddening.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Filled with hundreds of the versions of all the same people.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Everyday I run into echoes of myself.  
CLAIRVOYANT: On my first day as a paladin I saw this other Rose, her role was “Shining”.  
CLAIRVOYANT: She was some species of large cartoonish bug.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And she was breaking canon law.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Do you know how unsettling it is to lock someone away that is basically myself?  
ICARUS: W3LL 1F 1 C4UGHT MYS3LF SL1PP1NG 1 WOULD S4Y 1 D3S3RV3D 1T  
ICARUS: 1 WOULD JUST NOT COMM1T TH3 M1ST4K3 OF G3TT1NG C4UGHT  
CLAIRVOYANT: I felt sick.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And it feels even more sickening to know I will have to do this again.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Why are we bound to this society that makes us literally harm ourselves.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And all the time it’s so weird to see them,  
CLAIRVOYANT: but not me.  
ICARUS: WH4T DO YOU M34N?  
CLAIRVOYANT: I mean-  
CLAIRVOYANT: It’s just-  
CLAIRVOYANT: Look this is hard.  
ICARUS: YOU M34N S331NG V3RS1ONS OF YOU WHO 4R3 G1RLS?  
CLAIRVOYANT: …  
CLAIRVOYANT: Yes.  
ICARUS: 1 G3T SOM3TH1NG S1M1L4R TO TH4T  
ICARUS: S331NG V3RS1ONS OF M3 WHO G3T TO L1V3 W1TH TH31R OWN VR1SK4S  
ICARUS: 1TS UNF41R  
ICARUS: M4K3S M3 W4NT TO H4RM TH3M  
ICARUS: 4ND B3FOR3 YOU S4Y 4NYTH1NG 1 KNOW 1TS 4 “S1NFUL” D3S1R3 OR WH4T3V3R  
CLAIRVOYANT: Yeah…  
CLAIRVOYANT: Why don’t you-  
CLAIRVOYANT: Why don’t you try to find a Vriska who doesn’t have her Terezi?  
CLAIRVOYANT: There’s so many of them around there.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I’m sure one of them would love you just as much as yours used to love you.  
ICARUS: …  
ICARUS: DO YOU TH1NK 1 D1DNT TR13D TH4T Y3T  
ICARUS: BUT 1TS NOT 3NOUGH  
ICARUS: 1TS NOT P3RF3CT  
ICARUS: 4ND 1M NOT S3TTL1NG FOR 4NYTH1NG L3SS TH4N P3RF3CT  
CLAIRVOYANT: …  
ICARUS: ...  
ICARUS: CLAIRE CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?  
CLAIRVOYANT: Yes.  
ICARUS: 1M LOOK1NG FOR 4 W4Y TO L34V3 TH1S PL4C3  
ICARUS: 1 KNOW HOW N3UROT1C H4MMUR481 1S 4BOUT K33P1NG C4NON 4ND 4LL TH4T  
ICARUS: BUT 1M NOT ST4Y1NG H3R3  
ICARUS: TH1S WHOL3 PL4C3 1S BULLSH1T  
ICARUS: 1 DONT C4R3 4BOUT C4NON OR WH4T3V3R TH1S WHOL3 D34L 1S 4BOUT  
ICARUS: 1M F1ND1NG 4 W4Y TO L34V3  
CLAIRVOYANT: …  
ICARUS: 1 KNOW TH3Y COULD K1LL M3 1F TH3Y FOUND OUT  
ICARUS: 1TS H1GH TR34SON NON3TH3L3SS  
ICARUS: BUT 1 TRUST YOU WONT T3LL TH3M  
CLAIRVOYANT: Part of me-  
CLAIRVOYANT: Part of me just wants to find a way to be happy here.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It’s not so bad after all.  
CLAIRVOYANT: We have everything we need.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Just not the things we lack from our past canons.  
CLAIRVOYANT: I know how harsh the rules are about keeping everything canon.  
CLAIRVOYANT: But maybe we can be happy here!  
CLAIRVOYANT: Do we really have to leave?  
ICARUS: 1 DO  
ICARUS: 1M NOT ST4Y1NG H3R3  
ICARUS: 1 BROK3 C4NON 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3 B3C4US3 1 W4NT3D TO B3 W1TH H3R  
ICARUS: 4ND 1M NOT STOPP1NG  
ICARUS: NO M4TT3R HOW MUCH C4NON 1 H4V3 TO BR34K  
CLAIRVOYANT: I understand the feeling.  
CLAIRVOYANT: But I feel like this place is my last chance.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And if I fuck this up I’m not ever getting another one.  
CLAIRVOYANT: It’s too dangerous Icarus.  
ICARUS: 1 KNOW  
ICARUS: BUT 1M W1LL1NG TO PL4Y TH3 LONG G4M3  
CLAIRVOYANT: Knowing you are safe makes me feel better.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Also.  
CLAIRVOYANT: One last thing.  
CLAIRVOYANT: Why did you call me Claire?  
CLAIRVOYANT: That isn’t my name.  
ICARUS: YOUR N4M3 1S TOO LONG  
ICARUS: 1TS JUST 4 N1CKN4M3 S1LLY  
CLAIRVOYANT: It feels weird because that is a woman’s name.  
CLAIRVOYANT: And you know well I’m not one.  
ICARUS: 4ND TH4T 1S WHY 1 S41D YOU R3M1ND M3 OF MY VR1SK4  
CLAIRVOYANT: I don’t think I understand.  
ICARUS: YOU W1LL ON3 D4Y  
ICARUS: TH3R3 1S NO H4ST3 1N F1GUR1NG TH4T OUT  
ICARUS: W3 H4V3 4 LOT OF T1M3  
ICARUS: *S1GH*  
ICARUS: TOO MUCH T1M3 3V3N

[INTERMISSION III](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/62122510)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually managed to do a weekly schedule with this one! There will still be two more intermission chapters and then i wanna take some time to work on the outline for act 2
> 
> there is also a little secret in this chapter! please tell me in the comments if you find it


	8. INTERMISSION III: Aunt Training

STILL 28 YEARS AGO

You are Jade Harley and you try to keep life as busy as you can.

You just came back from groceries, which you walked because you wanted instead of taking the car, and you didn’t go to the groceries store right next to your house, you went to the one a few neighborhoods away because, again, you wanted to enjoy your trip.

The content in the bags you carry are: 5 pieces of french bread, 2 jugs of milk, a thing of margarine (you’re not sorry you don’t know the proper names, fuck that) and some curry sauce.

The curry was something you never used before, but the idea of cooking something completely new without any prior experience tempts you.

Sometimes you like cooking despite knowing you lack some ingredients just for the wild thrill of coming up with substitutes and ways to not majorly fuck up.

Sometimes you have to throw it all in the trash and you’re fine with that.

Life is serene.

Ok it’s just a bit boring.

And you do your best to make things interesting.

You’re finally home.

You open the door.

“... and in a hit you get to choose up to three options from the success pool, in a fail now, don’t worry, you can still choose one option, 8ut the narrator will change things up. Next move: Evasive Measures: Roll a ten-”

“vriska?” You have no idea what’s going on.

VRISKA: Oh hi Jade! Please close the door we don’t want the 8a8y getting any cold air do we now little Mine Craft?  
JADE: thats mine craft? did you  
VRISKA: Jade if you’re going to suggest I stole this infant please don’t.  
VRISKA: Calliope and Roxy had 8usiness to do so they called me to take care of the 8a8y.  
JADE: oh  
JADE: but why you?  
JADE: why not kanaya and rose?  
VRISKA: Oh they’re also 8usy  
VRISKA: Also pleeeeeeeease close the door and help me out heating the milk.  
JADE: oh ok.  
JADE: its just  
JADE: you have been barely leaving your bed the past few months  
JADE: and now you just look so  
JADE: idk  
JADE: active?  
VRISKA: Well yeah.  
VRISKA: I just found something to do you know!  
VRISKA: This might not 8e my 8a8y, 8ut I’m taking care of the 8est I can.  
VRISKA: I’m not giving a su8par 8a8y 8ack to Callieroxy after all.  
JADE:  
JADE: a what  
VRISKA: Ugh you know.  
VRISKA: A non ideal 8a8y and all.  
VRISKA: As long as this 8a8y resides in our residence it will receive anything, 8ut the 8est care and love.  
VRISKA: I’ve 8een holding it all day (I heard it’s important for 8a8ies to 8e held) and warming the milk to the ideal exact temperature of ninety eight dot six fahrenheit.  
VRISKA: Also I’ve 8een reading to it so it can 8etter develop her cognitive skills.  
JADE: hm  
JADE: wow  
JADE: youre really going hard on this  
JADE: im sorry but are you min maxing this baby  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: That is one way to put it, yes.  
JADE: also what are you even reading!  
VRISKA: A ta8letop manual.  
JADE: what!  
VRISKA: Look we don’t have 8a8y stories to tell her.  
VRISKA: 8esides it’s good to develop math skills early on.  
JADE: but isnt it a bit heavy for the baby?  
VRISKA: Oh this ta8letop is for kids.  
JADE: so you have tabletops for kids but not stories for kids on your shelves???  
VRISKA: Yes!  
VRISKA: You know it’s important to 8e up to d8 with the market surrounding ta8letop for children.  
VRISKA: You can’t underestim8 these games just cause they’re kid friendly!  
JADE: i know!  
JADE: i love kids stuff!  
JADE: but idk  
JADE: i expected that you wouldn’t?  
VRISKA: Nah I’m fine with it.  
JADE: i  
JADE: im so confused  
JADE: i should be happy youre so active right now  
JADE: but im feeling so perplexed  
JADE: i think i was just so sure i would enter and you would be in bed messing with your phone that seeing you liked this caused me so much whiplash.  
VRISKA: Aw c’mon it’s ok!  
VRISKA: You can feed the 8a8y the milk, it’s at the right temperature now.  
VRISKA: You like kids too right?  
JADE: yeah!  
JADE: let me hold it  
VRISKA: Ok just put your arm around here and-  
JADE: ok ok just give me the bottle-  
VRISKA: Yeah, but you gotta-  
JADE: i know what im doing!  
JADE:  
JADE: how do i do this  
VRISKA: It’s ok just put your arm around here and your hand like this.  
VRISKA: Now hold the 8a8y steady.  
VRISKA: And then you help the 8a8y 8urp!  
JADE: how do you know so much about this  
VRISKA: I had a lot of time to look it up on the internet while Mine Craft was sleeping.  
JADE: wow youre  
JADE: youre really good at this!  
JADE: now minecraft how has the day with your aunt vriska has been?  
JADE: shes such a good aunt, youre so lucky to have her

VRISKA: Oh that must be Callieroxy just in time.  
JADE: hey!  
ROXY: hai!  
CALLIOPE: hello.  
CALLIOPE: did dear sweet precioUs mine craft gave yoU too mUch work vriska?  
VRISKA: C’mon you’re talking to a pro here.  
VRISKA: Ok may8e not a pro in taking care of kids (yet).  
VRISKA: 8ut a pro in general.  
VRISKA: She was a sweetheart.  
VRISKA: She slept like an angel and adored my reading.  
ROXY: thats  
ROXY: really good to hear?  
ROXY: idk i expected you would have more trouble with her  
ROXY: like we would come back and the house would be on fire  
ROXY: like in that movie  
JADE: the incredibles?  
ROXY: yeah!  
JADE: ok but jack jack was super powered and mine craft is just like a normal baby  
JADE: unless vriska commited arson on our house there is no way a baby like this would cause that  
ROXY: idk i just expected there to be more chaos with vriska  
VRISKA: Hey what’s that supposed to mean.  
CALLIOPE: anyway.  
CALLIOPE: thank yoU so mUch for taking care of her.  
CALLIOPE: and hm.  
CALLIOPE: are yoU free on friday?  
CALLIOPE: we need to go oUt again on friday and since yoU took care so well of her i thoUght yoU woUld want to do that again.  
VRISKA: I will check my schedule.  
JADE: your schedule?  
VRISKA: Yeah!  
VRISKA: I’m super 8usy  
JADE: no youre not  
VRISKA: Ok, 8ut may8e i wanna pretend that I’m 8usy next to the visitors!  
JADE: ok ok!  
VRISKA: 8ut yeah.  
VRISKA: I will 8e free.  
VRISKA: And I can think of some fun games to play with Mine Craft!  
VRISKA: What D&D class do you think she would like more?  
ROXY:  
CALLIOPE:  
JADE:  
VRISKA: That was a joke.  
VRISKA: Anyway see y’all next week.  
ROXY: bu bye!  
CALLIOPE: farewell dears!  
JADE: see you two!

Jade closes the door.

VRISKA: So what do you wanna do for dinner?  
JADE: hhhhhh  
JADE: idk?  
JADE: i have some ideas  
JADE: i got some curry from the store  
JADE: its just you never asked me that before  
VRISKA: Yeah, I’m just a 8it hungry right now after 8a8y sitting.  
JADE: well do you wanna figure out how to make curry rice?  
VRISKA: Is that any good?  
JADE: i have no idea  
VRISKA: Oh that sounds mysterious.  
JADE: and if we fuck up to much we can order some burger king  
VRISKA: That sounds so hot, let’s do it.

[INTERMISSION IV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/62479846)


	9. INTERMISSION IV: The Nun Zone

THE CATHEDRAL OF THE SISTERS OF THE BROKEN PILLAR - NOW

CURATOR: ...and cover the 8asement! We must know if any of our rations have 8een damaged!  
CURATOR: And check the east wing! And the west wing too!  
CURATOR: All the wings!  
CURATOR: All of them!  
CURATOR: It’s imperative that we must 8e sure everything is safe.  
CURATOR: And check every wall for any small crack!  
CURATOR: Shade, Selkin and Azure get 8ack to work already! This is top priority, we can’t have a single idle hand on deck!

The Curator goes on and on giving orders to all these other suckers.

What a drag.

SELKIN: S)(e is really stressed rig)(t now.  
SELKIN: I mean I kinda get it.  
SELKIN: S)(e )(as a lot on )(er plate.  
SHADE: and no one even knows what that explosion was.  
SHADE: i mean it could have been anything.  
SHADE: so since we don’t know what it could have done.  
SHADE: we have to brace for the worst.  
SHADE: oh.  
SHADE: you said you saw the explosion right azure?  
SHADE: how can you be so calm when everyone is going crazy over the damage that thing could have caused.  
SELKIN: We don’t know w)(at t)(e deal even was.  
SELKIN: We just know some non local spaces)(ip exploded and it caused a commotion all around.  
SELKIN: )(ow can you be so calm t)(is t)(ing could be dangerous!  
AZURE: Because I Saw It  
AZURE: Its Not Dangerous  
AZURE: Its Merely Moronic  
AZURE: There Is No Reason For All This Madness  
AZURE: The Only Thing This Explosion Brought To Us Was A Pretty Show Of Fireworks.  
SELKIN: )(m.  
SHADE: if you say so.

You didn’t tell them the full truth.

You did not mention the fact that you saw Major Canon Perpetrator Ciska enter the ship right before some dreadful music started playing.

The event was so bizarre you couldn’t help but watch.

And neither did you mention that you saw three other people escape from the explosion safely.

Nor that one of them was now Canonical Criminal Icarus.

You’re no snitch.

SELKIN: Still we s)(ould follow t)(e abbess’ orders if we don’t want to get in trouble.  
SELKIN: Our task is to c)(eck on t)(e -Englis)( Urn and be s)(ore it’s safely stored.  
AZURE: Hm  
AZURE: And What Are They Going To Do If We Dont  
AZURE: Kick Us Out Of Here?  
AZURE: You Know They’re Not Doing That  
AZURE: Were Prisoners Here Whether We Like It Or Not  
SHADE: c’mon azure don’t say these things.  
SHADE: it might be fun!  
SHADE: you know like,  
SHADE: the fun activities of checking to see if anything happened to the english urn that if ever toppled would release an ancient evil upon paracanon!  
AZURE: Tsk I Doubt So  
AZURE: This Is Punishment  
AZURE: Dont Forget Were All Prisoners Here  
AZURE: They Just Force Us To Be Nuns For No Reason  
SHADE: being a nun is kinda fun!  
AZURE: Shade I Wish I Were You So Much  
SELKIN: I kinda agree wit)( s)(ade.  
SELKIN: I’m fin )(ere )(onestly  
SELKIN: Dedicating myself as one of t)(e sisters of t)(e broken pillar is a commendable feat!  
AZURE: No Its Bullshit  
AZURE: This Whole Place Is  
AZURE: Why Do They Even Display The English Urn Like That?  
AZURE: Its Incredibly Dangerous To Even Have That Thing In Our Possession  
AZURE: We Should Be Trying To Figure Out How To Destroy It And The Evil Inside  
AZURE: Instead Of Going Around And Kissing Its Feet  
AZURE: Assuming It Even Has Feet In The First Place  
AZURE: Do You Think It Has Feet?  
SELKIN: But we wors)(ip it!  
SELKIN: It’s important t)(at we wors)(ip it and t)(at we are fait)(ful towards t)(e englis)( urn  
SELKIN: Else t)(e rage of t)(e lord will befall unto us!  
SHADE: yeah.  
SHADE: we’re kinda of a big deal actually!  
SHADE: if we don’t constantly give our offerings towards it we will kinda be in major danger!  
AZURE: Thats Why We Should Destroy It  
SELKIN: Azure c’mon we can’t destroy it!  
SELKIN: It’s our object of wors)(ip after all.  
AZURE: Well I Never Choose To Worship It  
AZURE: I Fell Into This Bullshit World And Suddenly Everyone Decided It Was Either Death Or Servitude As A Sister Of The Broken Pillar  
AZURE: Some Choice That Was  
AZURE: This Is All Such Holy Bullshit  
SELKIN: …  
SHADE: …  
SHADE: well what do you think we should do?  
AZURE: Me? Ha

AZURE: Reach Heaven Through Violence

[ACT II

](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795470/chapters/67187359)  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm actually surprised I managed to keep a weekly schedule for these intermission chapters. I will now take a short hiatus on Dear Aunt Vriska to work a nice outline for act II and come back again with weekly updates once the outline is done. See you all in a month or so!


	10. ACT II: The English Urn

ACT II SCENE I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hai! not really properly a chapter, but this is the intro to act ii and i promise i will be posting scene i soon. i wanted to get back to this earlier, but my laptop stopped working so i had to wait a bit more. see you all next upd8!
> 
> i will try to start working on monthly updates and this will be january's update coming late. I will do my best to post another chapter still in february and keep up the pace this year. If you're wondering where i have been a little busy working on my tabletop burning hearts forever which you can check out [here](https://worstgirleva.itch.io/burning-hearts-forever)


End file.
